


Feuillemort

by jeongyeonasaur



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:22:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeongyeonasaur/pseuds/jeongyeonasaur
Summary: Jeongyeon the lone survivor of a chemical explosion. As a result, her senses are heightened thus she is isolated. She stays in a glass house in an island where no one else lives. Sana is desperate, she takes the job to be Jeongyeon’s caretaker.
Relationships: Minatozaki Sana/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 38
Kudos: 241





	1. 1. every one of us is a slave to our own masters

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> I am NOT a doctor nor am I a medical student. But!!! I try my best in researching for the right terms just so I won’t spread false information. If there are corrections, kindly DM me @/moonbyulasaur so I can edit it right away.
> 
> Thank you!

~

**every one of us is a slave to our own masters**

~

_You took the sun with you_

_When you left._

_-Rupi Kaur (The sun and her flowers)_

~

Darkness finally consumed the city, defeating the sun’s mighty rays. It was past dusk when people started going out of their respective buildings, wanting to go home and rest, hopefully get another chance for tomorrow. After a long day at work, some people cope by going to the nearest pub, some enjoy walking down the park with headphones blasting their eardrums. People enjoy the taste of freedom after a long tiring day of being the economy’s slave. Although that’s not the case for her.

As soon as the clock struck six, her heart felt heavy. As if it has an alarm of its own. She took her purse and walked her way out of the four cornered room she was stuck in the whole day. It didn’t matter if her heels were clinking, causing heads to turn just to get a glimpse of her.

It was today, the day she waited for all her life. For others, it was the end of the day that they will celebrate when it’s time to start working. For her, it’s the end of a dreaded life.

With one foot out of the building and a heart filled with hope, she smiled.

And then everything went blank.

~

Mina’s phone wouldn’t stop ringing. It was twelve noon and she wanted nothing but to enjoy her sandwich. It’s not common for doctors to have a perfect lunch break time. But alas, duty calls. Or at least that’s what her roommate, Nayeon, thinks. “What?” Mina hissed when she answered the phone. It was rare for Nayeon to call her anyway so she wanted to know if the older girl needed help with anything or if somehow, by a fat chance, she got herself in trouble again. For years, Nayeon and Mina have been roommates (technically housemates but they converted Nayeon’s room into a closet) and not once did Nayeon call her during her shift.

“I’m not in trouble,” the girl said from the other line. Although Mina still found it weird that Nayeon would call for some petty reason. Regardless if her roommate is the pettiest person to ever walk on earth, she knew that Nayeon respected her profession. Their eight years of living under the same roof, Nayeon learned to adjust into Mina’s career demands and Mina adjusted to Nayeon’s hectic schedule. Oftentimes, the older girl would arrive at two in the morning just to sleep for an hour or so and then leave again for another schedule. As a doctor, Mina understood the importance of time. In every industry, it’s all the same. Time is money. For Mina and the rest of the health workers all over the world, time is life. Every second wasted is a life wasted as well.

“Then bye,” she was about to end the call when Nayeon called her name again. “What?! Talk now because I’ve been awake for three days and I don’t want any model related drama, Im.” Mina said through gritted teeth.

“This is kinda confidential. What time do you get off work?” Nayeon asked her, sounding extremely suspicious for Mina’s liking. Nayeon was never the type to hold any drama. She’s that kind of petty. But criticising Nayeon’s life aside, she found Nayeon’s alert tone worrying.

“I get off after eating lunch. I should be off my now if you hadn’t called me,” she rolled her eyes even though Nayeon couldn’t see her. Mina looked at her sandwich, her grilled bacon and cheese sandwich which she had been thinking about since three am, while doing a surgery.

“I’ll come get you. I need your help with something,” the line went dead after Nayeon said those words. Mina literally threw her phone inside her bag and started eating her sandwich. To her dismay, it was cold already. Nayeon was really going to get it. Her last meal was over twenty four hours ago and she just ate a cold sandwich. The day wasn’t going so well for her.

Inside the doctor’s quarters, Mina changed her clothes and shoved her dirty clothes inside her bag. She didn’t mind if it was crumpled. She’ll wash it when she gets home. If she gets home for that matter. Nayeon just messaged her that she was already at the parking lot, waiting for Mina to get off work. As much as she wants to go home, she must help her roommate first or she won’t get a second of rest. Mina found Nayeon’s car in the basement. She was surprised to see Nayeon using the black and heavily tinted SUV instead of her two door luxury car. Nayeon got out of the car and walked towards her, as if wanting her to hurry up.

“What?” Mina raised her brow when Nayeon took her bag and dragged her towards the car. “I’m gonna murder you here if you don’t tell me what’s happening!” Nayeon hushed her and fixed her cap, making sure her face didn't show.

“Shut up for once and get in the fucking car,” the older girl’s urgency made her scared. Nayeon was never assertive even with their age difference. It was purely a friendship respect that they have for each other. Once inside, Nayeon gave her a hat of her own.

“Hi!” Mina almost died when someone spoke behind them, from the back seat.

“Jesus Christ,” she held her hands across her chest and looked at the back seat, “Who are you?!”

The girl looked beautiful, if she was being honest, but nonetheless, she scared Mina. Nayeon started the car and drove out of the hospital, away from the city, as Mina observed. “I need your help,” Nayeon broke the silence. Mina looked at the girl behind them again only to see the girl smiling. If it was genuine, she didn’t know but she couldn’t care less.

“Do you have a job I can do?” Nayeon looked at the girl, who spoke, from the rearview mirror. She noticed Nayeon’s shaky hands, a habit she does when she’s scared or nervous or both.

“What is happening? And who are you?” Mina asked, now a little terrified with what is happening. She never saw Nayeon this way. And who was the woman with them? “Nayeon, answer me or I will call the police and report you for kidnapping!”

“I’m Sana, I-,” the girl answered but she got cut off by Nayeon.

“My girlfriend. Yes, she’s my girlfriend. Remember that girl I told you about?” Mina shook her head. “No? Okay maybe it wasn’t you but she’s my girlfriend and she needs a place to stay while we go lowkey.”

“Lowkey? Why?” Mina sensed the tension around them, Sana’s smile faded and is now looking outside, admiring the scenery.

The older girl stepped on the gas, “News broke out that I’m gay. My supporters turned into haters. Now, Sana’s receiving death threats. So would you please help us and give her a part time job so she can live in peace. If possible, the job should be away from the city. Use your connections.”

Mina thought about how Nayeon looked so worried and frantic about Sana. Maybe Nayeon really loves the girl so she's taking drastic measures to keep her safe. Everyone knows that their country adores Nayeon too much even though she is part of a scandal every single week. But nothing is scarier than her stalkers sending her threats that if she gets into a relationship, they’ll kill her.

She looked at Sana. Mina thought of what is at risk if she gives Sana the job, “Do you really need a job? It will be hard. No one lasted even for a week in what I am about to offer.”

The girl looked at her, brown eyes that told thousands of stories held her gaze, “Sure.” There was emptiness in Sana’s voice.

“There’s this place. An isolated area for a special patient with special needs. The patient is harmless but we don’t actually let non health workers near the area especially since she’s sensitive. I am the assigned doctor for her. I go there every two weeks just to check on her. Are you up for it?” Nayeon stopped the car by the ocean.

“I don’t see why not? Just give the patient her needs right?” Sana shrugged, completely defeated. Her eyes met with Nayeon’s. Mina didn’t pay attention to the two girls’ silent discussion. “Fine! You win, I’ll go there.”

“It won’t be easy. The longest caretaker she had was three days,” Mina warned the girl. Sana’s kind smile didn’t disappear.

“No worries, I’m sure I’ll do my best,” the girl looked away again, as if lost in her thoughts. Mina dialed the hospital’s number.

“Hi, it’s Dr. Myoui here. Prepare the boat for isolation island. I found a caretaker,” Nayeon looked at her, waiting for Mina to get off the phone. “Yes, this one will be the last,” when Mina turned the phone off, she looked at Sana. “I hope you get along with the patient. If not, we might be forced to euthanize her.”

~

The travel from the city docks to the island was two hours long. Sana didn’t even go home to her own house and just took clothes from Nayeon and Mina’s joint closet. Nayeon drove them to the dock but as per policy, they can’t go to the island with Nayeon. Since the location is confidential, only Sana and Mina are allowed. Of course the boat driver. Nayeon fixed Sana’s cap and glasses, the look mirroring to hers as if the driver was a suspected fan. Although Mina is sure that the driver is not a fan because he is almost seventy with zero to none knowledge about technology.

“Always put your phone on silent. There is a signal there but you shouldn’t use too much noise. That’s one of the requirements of being her caretaker,” Mina talked to Sana during their trip. The girl nodded and gave her a smile. The same smile Mina thought was an automatic response to people.

“What’s her case, really? Why is she so isolated?” Sana asked, genuinely confused as to why a person would be isolated because of an illness.

“I can’t really say. It’s hard to explain. I think you’ll understand if you get to know her more. Although it will be hard. None of the other caretakers succeeded in even talking to her. But good luck. If you managed to tame Nayeon, then maybe you have a chance in talking to her,” Mina stopped talking when the boat reached the dock of the isolated island.

Sana felt the water on her feet, she laughed out loud.

“Sana, please keep quiet,” Mina whispered. She helped Sana with her bags and proceeded to walk towards the island’s land area. Sana found it weird that the island looked so well maintained for it to be isolated. A car greeted them by the road, it was just a five minute drive from the docks to the house but with all of the things they bought, they opted to ride.

Amazed was the perfect word to describe Sana’s reaction when she saw the house. It was made of glass, like those rich houses people see online and in exclusive villages. When the car halted, she stepped out, “Nice place!”

Mina turned to the house, “Jeongyeon.”

Sana followed Mina’s line of sight. She saw a girl wearing a black dress standing by the main door of the house. The girl screamed… nothing. Sana felt absolutely nothing coming from the girl. Although she has to admit that the girl with long blonde hair looked gorgeous. But she can’t shake the feeling that the girl doesn’t like her. But that’s not it as well. It almost felt like the girl didn’t care.

Mina approached the girl, maintaining the distance between her and the girl named Jeongyeon. The shorter girl almost whispered, “How’d you know we’re here?”

The girl shrugged. “I heard the boat. The waves changed. I felt your weight when you stepped on the island.”

Sana smiled, feeling confident. She approached the girl and offered her hand, “Hi! I’m Sana!”

Jeongyeon winced, as if in pain. She turned around so quickly Sana felt as if she weren't human at all. As the girl walked back into the house she said one thing, "Get her out of here."


	2. i am the hopeless person every human aspires to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sana’s first day in the island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, loves! Happy Saturdaaaaay!

**i am the hopeless person every human aspires to be**

~

_real loneliness is not necessarily_

_limited to when you are alone_

_-Charles Bukawski_

~

Sana stood by the main door, completely shocked by how the events turned. She never met anyone who right on made her feel so unwanted. As if there wasn’t any holding back from Jeongyeon’s voice. She felt Mina’s touch on her arm, she looked at the girl and smiled, “Wow.” Sana chuckled, “What a greeting.”

The shorter girl sighed, “I told you to keep quiet. She has _needs_ that are really hard to explain and I just hope you understand because behind whatever it is that she is feeling, she’s a really nice person.” Mina’s hand squeezed her arm gently. She shrugged and continued to enter the glass house.

The interior didn’t fail to amaze her. It lived the impression it made when Sana first saw it. Mina followed her and showed her around the house, “If she’s alone, why does she live in such a house?”

The modern design of the house really impressed Sana. Her bedroom is at the third door on the right. She placed her bags inside and explored her room, thinking if she can live here with a complete stranger. Although Mina did mention that Jeongyeon was harmless. What could an isolated patient do to her? Well, Jeongyeon can murder and hide her body somewhere in the island and people wouldn’t notice because first of all, there aren’t any people around except the two of them.

“Jeongyeon’s case is…” Mina struggled to find the perfect word. “Peculiar, I guess. Even I, as a doctor, cannot explain it thoroughly. Even after continuous studies about her case, we’re still having that “ _what is this”_ kind of situation. Every check up I do, something new happens so I don’t have a concrete explanation of what her situation is right now.”

Sana chuckled, “It’s either you like her or you’re just really fond of your work.” The doctor stood straight and cleared her throat, “My guess is it’s the first one?”

Mina gave her a straight face, “I am here purely because of my profession as a doctor. Her case is the biggest challenge of my career as a doctor.”

The taller girl raised her hands, “Chill. I was just messing with you.” Sana chuckled and turned around. At the back of her mind, she knew she was correct. Although she won’t push it as much. She’ll respect Mina’s choice to keep it to herself..

After she fixed all her stuff (which isn't much), Sana went out of her room and looked for Mina. Sana found the girl sipping tea in the kitchen. Mina offered her some but she shook her head, “I’ll be leaving in a while. If you need help or you want leave just use your phone and I’ll arrange the boat to be your service right away.”

She looked around, looking for Jeongyeon, “Where is she?” the spacious walls of the house felt empty. Somehow, Sana felt like this was more of a prison than an isolation area for the girl’s special needs. The corners seemed cruel and the floor felt like it would slowly devour your sanity. The idea made Sana shiver.

“She’s usually like that,” Mina answered her while she sipped her tea. The girl’s eyes roamed around the house, similar to what Sana did. Somehow, they made eye contact and agreed on the idea that the house is really like a cell. A fancy cell - if that is a term- for someone. “She disappears inside this house whenever someone is around. She’s taking this ‘isolation’ thing too seriously, if you ask me,” the doctor laughed and stood up, washing the cup she used and putting it back in the cupboard.

“Are you leaving now?” she asked. Mina nodded and wiped her hands with a cloth, “I guess I’ll see you two weeks from now?” Sana walked beside the girl as they exited the house. They’ve silently agreed to walk towards the docks again, just so they can talk more.

“My initial bet is to see you in four days. Prove me wrong, okay? I don’t know how long the issue with Nayeon will go but I hope you two become friends. Jeongyeon… She needs someone to talk to. No matter how-,” Mina looked upwards, thinking of a word to use. “Unbothered. Yep, that’s the word. She looks unbothered but according to human studies, people need someone to talk to in order to evolve. Maybe you can be a friend to her. She doesn’t have that.”

Sana stopped walking as they reached the shore, “Aren’t you?”

“I’d like to think that I am but my profession hinders us from establishing trust. She thinks I’m only here to study her. Which is okay because that is partially true. It’s complicated, really. But when you’re ready, go inside the first bedroom. It was converted to be a clinic. Her records are there. I wouldn’t suggest you read that before getting to know her though.” Mina boarded the boat and gave her a small wave.

“Geez,” Sana ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m in a complicated sitch, huh?” she chuckled and walked back to the main house. The island reminds her of Balesin, only smaller.

As she reached the main house, coldness consumed her insides. She closed the door and made sure it was locked. Even though there weren’t any people around, she’d still feel safer if the doors were locked. Sana checked her watch, four thirty-seven, she still had some few hours to spare to look around the house. Aside from the modern style of the house, she was also intrigued by the atmosphere. It’s almost like an open space because everything was made of glass.

She opened one door, across hers, and a whole closet of clothes. Sana figured that it was Jeongyeon who owns it. They were the only two who lived there so it must be hers. She didn’t go inside because she didn’t want to intrude the girl’s privacy. She opened the door next to her room and saw another bedroom. Nothing much was inside so she proceeded to the next one. Just as Mina said, it looked like a makeshift clinic. Almost like a consultation room for doctors and patients. Sana didn’t feel like she was ready to read Jeongyeon’s files so she closed the door and closed her eyes.

_You know what happens when you get too nosy, Sana._

She took a deep breath and patted herself on the back, “Aja, aja, Sana.” She chuckled and proceeded to go downstairs. She doesn’t know what to expect but to her surprise, a line of vintage vehicles were in a line, as if in a gallery. There were at least four cars parked there, all vintage from the movies, if she was correct.

When she finished admiring the cars, she noticed the door by the stairs. Since she didn’t see Jeongyeon in any of the rooms upstairs, she knocked. “It’s open,” Jeongyeon’s soft voice echoed.

Sana opened the door and peeked, “Hi.” Her voice was almost inaudible, softer than a normal whisper. “Uhm…”

The blonde was sitting inside -what seemed to be- the study room, reading a book. Jeongyeon looked at her and raised an eyebrow, waiting for Sana to speak.

“I, uhm, I want to apologize,” she whispered again. Jeongyeon placed her book down and uncrossed her legs, “I might have offended you earlier.”

The blonde cocked her head, “Offended?” Sana’s mood lifted when Jeongyeon talked to her. She remembered Mina saying that Jeongyeon rarely talks to someone, especially her caretakers. But hearing the girl talk to her made her happy.

“Yeah!” she nodded and opened the door, standing completely by the entrance of the room. Jeongyeon winced again, “Oh, I should whisper.”

There was confusion in Jeongyeon’s face, “You’re a weird caretaker.”

“I get that a lot,” Sana entered the room and gently closed the door behind her. She looked around and saw the room full of books, almost like a mini library, “You like reading?”

Jeongyeon took her book again and nodded, “It’s the only thing I can do here.” Sana saw different genres of books. Philosophy, psychology, poetry, fiction, classics, everything was there. “Do you read?”

The blonde was actually asking her something. “Kind of. I mostly read narratives and biographies of famous people in history.” Sana took a seat and observed Jeongyeon’s features.

“I don’t usually let people stare at me but you look like you’re really curious about what I am. And you’re the first person to ever apologize so go on,” the girl met her eyes and Sana immediately shivered. Jeongyeon’s stare felt like she was being observed under a microscope. She didn’t feel any emotion from the stare. But she felt immense curiosity and somehow, emptiness. Although Sana couldn’t figure out if she was correct.

Seeing as they were sitting across each other, Sana tried her best to avoid Jeongyeon’s gaze but she failed miserably, “Aren’t you awkward?” she laughed.

Jeongyeon leaned closer, “What are you feeling?”

“What?” she backed away but the girl leaned closer again, “What are you doing?”

The girl backed away, leaning on the chair, “Weird. Your heart raced, your temperature rose but you don’t look like you have a fever.” Jeongyeon stood up and placed the book back on the shelf, “How did you feel when I came close? Did you feel happy? Did you feel nervous?” the girl asked when she turned around, looking at Sana and waiting for answers.

“I felt weirded out,” Sana answered honestly. She stood up and walked towards the door, “I didn’t notice but it’s already eight thirty.”

“If you want to eat, just help yourself in the kitchen. I’m not particularly hungry,” Jeongyeon exited the room first and went upstairs. By the time Sana got up, the girl was already closing the door of her room.

“That girl’s weird,” Sana told herself but she also chuckled. “She’s the good type of weird though,” she opened the door to her room and quickly checked her phone. No notifications from Nayeon or anyone she knew. She turned it off and prepared her clothes before going to bed.

~

Morning was bright as the sun’s rays attacked Sana’s eyes. One of the cons of sleeping in a glass house is that mother nature is free to attack the person anytime with her blinding light in the morning. She groaned and harshly sat up on the bed, “I fucking hate mornings.”

She brushed her teeth and fixed her hair before going out of her room. She went to the kitchen, looking for food, “I’m hungry.” Jeongyeon said, looking at her with her arms crossed.

“Why didn’t you eat then?” Sana fixed herself a cup of coffee and rolled her eyes. Jeongyeon sat on one of the stools and placed her chin on her hand, “What?”

“You’re my caretaker,” Jeongyeon said, as a matter of factly. “Cook for us,” there was no holding back or filter in her words.

Sana stopped sipping coffee, “Me? Cook?” she blinked her eyes. Once, twice, but Jeongyeon just stared at her and nodded. She sighed, frustrated, “Fine. You are not allowed to complain.”

She opened the fridge and took out the eggs. Jeongyeon left, maybe going to the study again to read. She also took out some spices from the pantry and stock room. Sana stared at the stove. She metally said _fuck it_ and turned the burner on. Flame ablazed upward, making her scream in terror. Not even a minute, Jeongyeon arrived and turned off the stove, “Seriously?” the girl looked at her, tired.

“What? It was about to attack me,” Sana stomped her feet and turned around, embarrassed.

Jeongyeon took the eggs from her hands and grabbed a bowl, “You should’ve admitted that you couldn’t cook, Sana.” the way her name slipped out of Jeongyeon’s lips sounded divine for some reason. The girl’s voice was cold but it also felt genuine. As if she was hiding nothing. Sana knew for the longest time how it sounded to be fooled by people who were faking genuine kindness. But she couldn’t feel it with Jeongyeon’s cold voice.

“I do know how to cook, okay? Just not with stoves,” Sana took Jeongyeon’s seat earlier, the stool, and watched as the girl cooked for the two of them.

“As if I’d believe that lie. I can tell from the beating of your heart, Sana. You’re lying and you are terrible at that act,” the blonde minced green onions and included it in the scrambled egg she was cooking.

“Fine, I don’t cook. Happy now?” she admitted in an annoyed tone. Jeongyeon looked at her and shook her head, “I can wash the dishes though. People hate doing that stuff right?”

“You sound like you were born with a silver spoon, your highness,” the blonde said sarcastically. Sana lost her smile, “What?”

“Just because I can’t cook doesn’t mean I lived comfortably,” she answered. “What about you? Where did you learn how to cook?” by the time Sana asked, Jeongyeon was already putting a plate in front of her.

“Mina said I was a chef before I got here. And besides, with all those caregivers who left? I learned to cook by myself,” Jeongyeon took a bite and nodded, satisfied with her cooking. “It’s a hassle though.”

Sana was also satisfied with the taste of Jeongyeon’s cooking, “What do you mean by it being a hassle?”

The blonde looked at her, confused, “Mina didn’t tell you about me?” when she shook her head, Jeongyeon hummed, “It’s a hassle because since I cooked, expect me to have a fever by the end of the day. So much for a caretaker now, huh?”

“And you’re talkative,” Sana answered. Jeongyeon raised an eyebrow and scoffed, as if it didn’t matter to her, “How will you find a husband in that condition?”

The blonde took her plate and placed it on the sink, “First of all, men are disgusting. Pretty sure even before all of this,” she gestured her hand up and down herself. “I wasn’t attracted to men. And second of all, I don’t worry about that. I don’t feel anything. Aside from the pain caused by certain high voices,” Jeongyeon looked at her, accusing her voice.

Sana stuck out her tongue and said, “What?”

“I don’t feel things. Not happiness, not sadness. Neither fear nor excitement. I’m apathetic, as they say,” Jeongyeon wiped her hands and faced her again. “People think it’s fun but I think it’s boring. I often read romance stories just to see if I will feel things but nothing happens.”

“That’s sad,” Sana stood up and walked towards the sink. She thought about Jeongyeon’s situation. The mere idea of not being happy nor sad made her feel lost. How can someone live without having to feel anything?

Jeongyeon sat on the counter, “I don’t know what sad feels but it must be something that can affect you because your breathing has slowed down.”

“You sound creepy,” Sana laughed, not minding if her new found friend doesn’t feel anything. It instantly became her goal to make Jeongyeon happy, at least almost close to happiness.

~

After sunset, Sana went to the kitchen to look for something to cook. She remembered that Jeongyeon was sick, at least that’s what she told her earlier, so she proceeded to the master’s bedroom and entered without knocking.

“Jeongyeon, I’m here. Make sure you’re dressed decently,” she entered the bedroom and found the girl asleep with a blanket covering her. “Hey,” she rushed towards the girl and touched her forehead. Jeongyeon winced, as if in pain again.

“Don’t worry, it’ll go away in a while. Just give me cold water,” Jeongyeon tried to sit, struggling in the process. Sana saw the mini ref by the corner of the room and took bottled water from inside. She helped Jeongyeon drink before assisting the girl to rest again.

“How long till it goes away?” she asked, wiping the sweat on the girl’s forehead. Sana felt sad with what she was witnessing. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s nothing new. No need to apologize about it,” the blonde’s temperature slowly went down, like what she said.

“I think you should eat. I’ll cook,” Jeongyeon raised her eyebrow, questioning her words. “But you have to come with me. Teach me what to do just so we can eat. Also for future use since I’m your caretaker. Might as well get used to it?”

With a lot of struggle, Jeongyeon and Sana reached the kitchen. Sana helped Jeong sit on one of the stools again before she walked towards the other side, the kitchen. “What do you want?”

“Just fry some meat and we’re good. Not too fancy because you might burn this house and we’ll both be homeless,” the girl rested her head on the counter, closing her eyes. “Follow my instruction and it won’t become poison.”

“Okay. I will pretend that what you said wasn't a lowkey insult,” Sana rolled her eyes and followed every instruction Jeongyeon said. Even with her eyes closed, the girl could tell if she was finished doing what was asked.

Fortunately, Sana didn’t burn the house. Rather, she made a decent plating of the fried pork and cooked rice she prepared (under Jeongyeon’s supervision and instruction) for the both of them. She set up the dining table and took the pitcher of water from inside the fridge. When she turned to Jeong, Sana found the girl asleep. She checked the temperature and true enough, the fever was already gone.

“Hey, wake up,” she tried to talk as softly as possible. Sana was afraid that her loud voice would hurt Jeongyeon again.

Jeongyeon’s eyes opened, meeting hers. It was the way her eyes were still sleepy that Sana felt like Jeongyeon wasn’t that cold person she believes to be. There was a hint of emptiness in her eyes but not even a second later, it turned back to normal. The cold and indifferent eyes were back, “You done?” the girl sat up and stretched.

“Yeah, come on before it gets cold,” Sana helped Jeongyeon towards the dining table.

The girl looked at the plating and took a bite. Sana waited, anticipating what Jeongyeon would say, “It’s okay. Not bad.”

Sana beamed. Her face stretched because of her smile, “Thanks.”

The blonde didn’t say anything. She liked quiet nights like this one. “You did well today,” Jeongyeon said. She read it before that when complimenting people after doing a job made them feel happy. She hoped that with this gesture of hers, Sana would be happier.

Sana didn’t disappoint, she smiled so widely that Jeongyeon almost smiled too, “Hey Jeong?”

“Hmm?” she continued to eat.

“Why not teach me how to cook?” Sana looked at the blonde, not blinking.

“Why?”

The girl took a deep breath, “I’m your caretaker, right?” Jeongyeon nodded. “Then teach me,” Sana held her hand and smiled again (this time, eyes disappearing). “Teach me how to take care of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Tell me what u think :)) @moonbyulasaur


	3. but if you think i am okay, then should i start living?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby steps. Big leap. Baby steps. Repeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo enjoy :D

**but if you think i am okay, then should i start living?**

~

  
_ come on, sweetheart _ _  
_ _ let’s adore one another _ _  
_ _ before there is no more  
_ _ of you and me.  
_ _ -RUMI _

~

“Teach me how to take care of you,” Sana’s words echoed in the cold night. Over and over again, Jeongyeon thought of how the girl could say something as heavy as that. Did Sana even know how messed up her life is? Jeongyeon couldn’t fathom as to why the girl said that in the first place. She did not answer the girl but rather, she got up, placed the plate on the sink and then went to her room.

Sana, on the other hand, thought that maybe she was too straight forward. Maybe Jeongyeon didn’t like how she approached the situation. “Maybe it sounded too loud?” she turned around again, tossing and turning on her bed.

She wanted to apologize to the girl but she opted to let Jeongyeon rest after the fever. Tomorrow, she will definitely apologize. She knew even from before that she might come off strong sometimes so it’s definitely with the way she said something. Sana wanted to check her phone but she remembered that Nayeon strictly reminded her that if they will talk, Mina will be the one to contact the island and not the other way around. Maybe Nayeon’s still busy fixing things there. Sana hoped she’s safe. Nayeon’s the only person she could trust.

~

The next morning, Sana used the tablet just resting around the living room to search for steps on how to cook for breakfast. She tried three times before she finally successfully cooked a decent pancake. She took a bite and got satisfied by how it tasted. She cooked roughly ten pieces, five for both of them, and then started cleaning. For roughly three years, Sana had lived independently so she knows a few things about cleaning. Although she still hired a service cleaner because she was too busy with her own life to even clean her own unit.

Jeongyeon went out of her room because of the smell of food. She felt hungry, a basic feeling she luckily retained. She found Sana wearing an apron and washing the dishes she used for cooking, “Good morning,” she greeted as a courtesy.

Sana turned to her and smiled, “Good morning, Jeongyeon.” the girl wiped her hands dry and then gestured to the table, “Pancakes and bacon. I hope you eat them because I worked hard to cook.”

The girl sat down on the chair where she usually sits. “Looks delicious, Sana.” she complimented. Sana smiled at her again and then went back to washing the dishes. She doesn’t start eating. Jeongyeon patiently waits for Sana to finish.

Sana noticed that Jeongyeon wasn’t moving. Rather, the girl was just resting her chin on her hand and was watching her, “Is something wrong?” she asked Jeongyeon. Sana finished washing the dishes and was now walking towards the table.

The blonde girl picked up her fork, “Let’s eat. Have a seat.” Without another word, Jeongyeon started eating, taking a bite of pancake Sana cooked. “It’s nice. I assumed you couldn’t cook. My apologies.”

“I can’t. I googled it. I almost used up all the eggs though. I’m sorry,” Sana giggled. She started eating as well. The lingering thought of apologizing kept popping inside her mind. She allowed it to stay for a while before shooing it away. Once again, the comfortable silence was there, although there was tension as well.

“Sana,” Jeongyeon placed her fork down and looked at her. Jeongyeon’s eyes showed confusion and a little bit of hesitance. “About last night, during dinner,” she continued.

Sana cut her off, “I’m sorry. I realized that it was too straight forward of me and that you’re not used to it. I should have been more considerate of how you would react.”

Jeongyeon, for the first time, was surprised. It wasn’t something that she felt per se but it was something foreign for her. Normally, doctors would force her to do things, tell her to do things without thinking if she was comfortable with it. It was only Mina who used to ask for her permission with every touch using a stethoscope or an injection. Jeongyeon always said yes but she appreciated the courtesy and respect.

“I’ll teach you,” Jeongyeon said as a matter-of-factly. She doesn’t know what gave her that idea because she knew that sooner or later, Sana would probably leave as well. Just like the other caretakers but she couldn’t care. After all, she wanted to live and die alone.

Sana looked at her with a confused face, “What?”

Jeongyeon answered her, this time with a straight face, “I’ll teach you. You wanted to take care of me, right?” Sana nodded. “Okay, then I’ll teach you how hard it is. It will be so hard that you might have to leave the island.” She stood up, already finished eating, and then walked away.

Sana, for the nth time, smiled. She cleaned up and washed the second batch of dishes before she took a stroll around the house. There wasn’t much to see except for the random plants and bugs (which scared her). Sana couldn’t count how many times she screamed because she was surprised by a bug or an insect or even an animal around the house. She saw a frog, a squirrel, a rabbit, and insects (hopefully not poisonous). Little did she know, Jeongyeon was looking at her from the veranda of her room, quietly laughing at her little struggles in life.

Jeongyeon almost wished she was like Sana. To be able to feel fear, happiness, sadness. Basically, to be human. But that’s the thing, it’s only an  _ almost _ . She’d still choose this situation. If it means not feeling ever again. She suddenly felt dizzy, like her world was spinning. Jeongyeon fell on her bed. The immense pain in her head was nothing new but definitely was something she will never get used to no matter how many times it came.

~

It was before noon that Sana knocked at Jeongyeon’s door, “Are you awake? I searched the house and didn’t see you.” she opened the door and saw Jeongyeon in bed, asleep.

Sana sat on a chair there and noticed the markings of tears that passed by Jeongyeon’s cheek. She wanted to wipe them but she refrained herself. Sana knew that Jeongyeon wasn’t the time to appreciate physical touch due to her situation. Sana respected that. She didn’t want to offend anyone anymore. Rather, she didn’t want to lose anyone anymore.

Jeongyeon stirred awake, looking around to see Sana sitting on her chair with her own eyes closed. She stared at the girl, wondering why someone as pretty as Sana would agree to settle as a caregiver for someone as messed up as her. Curiosity consumed her as she sat up and sat directly across Sana, almost memorizing her features. Jeongyeon took note of how perfectly pointed Sana’s nose is. The lashes resting on her eyes were long enough to be mistaken as fake. Sana’s lips looked moist, as if always wearing a lip gloss. Jeongyeon hated to admit but she craved for physical touch, not sex, but to be able to hold someone. She reached out, wanting to touch Sana. Feel someone else’s skin aside from hers. Before she could touch the tip of Sana’s finger, she retracted her own hand. She didn’t want to take advantage of Sana’s sleeping state.

She stood up and took the blanket from her bed. She carefully placed it around Sana, making sure not to wake the girl. Jeongyeon went out of her room and went to the study room. She was on the last book she has yet to read. It wasn’t until someone knocked that she stopped reading, “It’s open.”

Sana’s head peeked, “Are you hungry? Do you eat bulgogi?” the girl asked. Jeongyeon noticed Sana’s brown eyes. They almost looked fake but why would Sana wear contact lenses in a place like this?

She shook her head, “Is something wrong with you?” she suddenly asked.

Jeongyeon motioned Sana to come inside and sit on the vacant chair, “What do you mean?”

“Your heart, it beats a little differently,” Jeongyeon closed her eyes and listened to Sana’s beating heart. “Yes, it’s a little slower than earlier. You are sad.”

She wanted to lie but then again, Jeongyeon would know if she was lying. “Have you ever lost someone you loved so much?” Sana asked her.

Jeongyeon was taken aback. She remembers enough to know that she lost someone that she loved in the past. She couldn’t remember who and how it felt but she did remember some of her memories. With hesitance, she answered, “Yes.”

Sana frowned, “Do you mind if I ask you to tell me that? I want to forget mine.” The vulnerability in Sana’s voice made Jeongyeon want to remember all her memories just so she can make Sana forget. Since Sana came three days ago, she started having experiences that felt both foreign and natural to her.

She started remembering vivid scenarios in her mind. “I think I met her during the closing of my restaurant.” Jeongyeon frowned, trying to remember her life before the turning point. “And then we moved in,” she closed her eyes, concentrating deeper. “Wedding.. And then nothing more.”

“You’re married?” Sana’s eyes widened in surprise. She didn’t know. Mina didn’t tell her that Jeongyeon has a wife waiting for her. But then again, Jeongyeon might even know if her wife (assuming they are married) is alive.

Jeongyeon shook her head, “I think not. I cannot remember anything regarding a wedding day. But I think there was supposed to be a wedding.” She opened her eyes and met Sana’s, “I think the explosion happened during the supposed wedding.”

Sana’s heart sank. In her mind, Jeongyeon’s life before the explosion was picture perfect. She was a chef, she had her own restaurant, she was going to marry someone. But then life messed it all up and now she’s alone.

“Where are you from?” Sana asked. She never heard of Jeongyeon as a famous chef. With Sana’s lifestyle, she should have at least visited the girl’s restaurant.

Jeongyeon took a deep breath, “You know that island where criminals are born and useless people were thrown at? That’s where I’m from. It doesn’t exist now because the explosion wiped out every bit of existence there. Even the island was wiped out of the map.”

“A-Abyssal island?” Sana covered her mouth in surprise. She heard about the explosion three years ago.

“Yeah. My parents were criminals, they got caught but since they were too skilled, the government couldn’t kill them. So they were thrown to Abyssal Island. They had me,” Jeongyeon explained. “Well, that’s what my records told me, at least. I cannot remember their faces nor my own date of birth but I guess that’s correct because that’s the same record Mina uses when she conducts her check up.”

Sana felt immense sadness by hearing Jeongyeon’s backstory. And it wasn’t even all of it. She didn’t know how to react but then Jeongyeon spoke again, “No need to worry, Sana. Calm your heart. It doesn’t bother me. I’ve accepted that this is my reality now.”

That was when Sana noticed the single ring that Jeongyeon was wearing as a necklace. It looked like topaz. It was red, almost pink. But it rested in Jeongyeon’s neck. Now that she remembered it, the first day that she met Jeongyeon, the girl was wearing the same necklace.

“My necklace?” Jeongyeon touched the ring. “This was hers. It was said that I bought it. I have no memory of it but I keep it with me because it’s the only memoir of my past life. The only thing I want to remember.”

“I’m sorry for opening it up,” Sana apologized. During the whole time that Jeongyeon was narrating her limited memory of her life, her straight face didn’t go away. Sana almost felt like Jeongyeon was a CD being played because there were no emotions in her voice. But it was also weird because she felt the pain of it. With limited words, she felt like her own world was exploding itself.

“Don’t be. It’s refreshing to talk about it every once in a while. Earlier, I had an attack. A normal one where I would get severe migraine and then start seeing images of the explosion. My own body is covered in blood.. My memories and former family. But I am not sure if it was my family or work friends because they have no faces in my flashbacks. I cannot even remember the face of my own lover,” Jeongyeon stood up and returned the book. “Sana, remind me to tell Mina that she should bring more books the next time she visits. I’m out of books. I cannot stand not doing anything for days.”

Sana followed Jeongyeon out of the study room, “We’re losing our stocks. How are we going to the market?”

“We don’t. The supply will be here tomorrow. Every week, they deliver food supplies, tampons, napkins, anything you want to be delivered actually,” they reached the kitchen. It was already around two in the afternoon. “Can you cook fish and rice?”

“Sure thing,” Sana looked for the tablet and searched for a dish to cook. Jeongyeon prepared the rice since she didn’t want Sana serving her. As much as possible, she wanted to divide the chores. Jeongyeon made sure to tell Mina before that she wanted a companion, not a caregiver. She can take care of herself. But it’s making her insane to not have someone to talk to.

“Why were you sad earlier?” Jeongyeon broke the silence. Slowly, she knew she was being comfortable around Sana. Deep inside, she wanted Sana to not leave like the rest. But of course, it’s not in her mind to hope. She knows that Sana will leave. The thing is, she already heard the conversation between Sana and Mina. A month or less before Sana returns to Nayeon, whoever that is.

“I miss someone,” Sana ended the conversation so abruptly. Before Jeongyeon could react, Sana looked at her and smiled, “So, how’s sweet and sour fish for tonight?”

The topic was dropped in an instant. Jeongyeon forgot about it. But Sana did not. At the back of her mind, she would have appreciated it more if Jeongyeon didn’t bring it up again. But then again, it was Jeongyeon. She didn’t know how to read atmospheres and to test waters. She just went on with it.

“It sounds amazing,” Sana’s heart stopped for a second when Jeongyeon smiled back at her. She dropped the tablet. “What’s wrong?”

“Y-You smiled,” she pointed at Jeongyeon’s face.

The girl realized what she had done and then did it again, “Yeah. I learned it from you. How do I look?” Jeongyeon’s smile wasn’t as natural as Sana’s normal smile but nonetheless, she looked breathtaking. Jeongyeon was so beautiful. It was almost impossible to be that beautiful. To think that before, she could laugh and smile effortlessly. Feel love and happiness. And then in a moment, it was taken away from her.

“You look beautiful,” Sana said it in a tone so gentle that Jeongyeon stopped smiling and stared back at her.

It was silent. Nothing but the waves of the ocean could be heard. The rays of light from the glass window made Sana’s eyes shine in the most beautiful way that Jeongyeon almost felt pain that she couldn’t be compared to how goddess-like she was. Jeongyeon smiled, this time a little more natural, “You look more beautiful, Sana.”

Her heart raced. It wasn’t new for Sana to have a crush but to have a crush on a patient she was supposed to be taking care of? It felt wrong. It was just the two of them in that moment, in that house, Sana didn’t think of what was right or wrong. She just allowed herself to feel again.

~

Lunch was unexpectedly awkward. At least for Sana. Jeongyeon continued acting normal, definitely not bothered by their  _ moment _ earlier. Sana was the one definitely bothered though. She felt alive with a simple sentence that Jeongyeon said. Her emotions suddenly went all over the place. She wanted to run away just so she can stop her own heart from beating too fast. She knew that Jeongyeon heard her heart because the girl looked at her weirdly and continued waiting until she finished cooking.

“Sana, are you having a heart attack? Your heart’s been beating rapidly since earlier,” Jeongyeon reached out and touched her forehead. Sana stopped herself from flinching. She didn’t want Jeongyeon to feel bad for being concerned. Slowly, she was seeing progress in Jeongyeon so she didn’t want to accidentally revert Jeongyeon back just because she was having internal and personal issues.

“I’m fine, Jeong,” Sana held Jeongyeon’s hand. They were softer than Sana expected them to be. She felt herself blushing. “Maybe it’s the weather? I’m kinda sensitive to sudden changes of weather,” she explained.

“Okay,” she retracted her hand. Sana missed the warmth instantly but she shook her head, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she chuckled. Sana couldn’t help but stare at Jeongyeon’s side profile. She couldn’t stop remembering how beautiful Jeongyeon was while smiling earlier. She got so used by the girl’s neutral face that she didn’t imagine her smiling. It was something that she wanted to see over and over again.

~

The next day, it was already Sana’s fourth day on the island. She found Jeongyeon already drinking coffee by the counter. “Hey, you should have woken me up.”

Jeongyeon looked at her and smiled. The girl wouldn’t stop smiling since yesterday and it was both good and bad for Sana. Good because slowly, Jeongyeon was becoming normal (if that was possible) and bad because Sana couldn’t sleep because the same smile haunted her even in her dreams. It would have been better if Jeongyeon frowned because Sana was used to it.

The telephone rang so Sana automatically picked it up. “Hello?” she answered.

“It’s Mina. How are you? It’s your fourth day,” she looked at Jeongyeon who was already looking at her. By the looks of it, Jeongyeon heard what Mina said.

“I’m doing really well. Jeongyeon is teaching me things so I can be a better caretaker for her,” that seemed to surprise Mina but Sana didn’t mind. She liked the idea that Jeongyeon was treating her a little bit differently than anyone else. Even Mina. There was a certain pride in her chest that kept rising.

“That’s good. How is she by the way?” Sana stared back at Jeongyeon who was smiling at her while drinking coffee.

“She’s smiling right now. Obviously, she heard you. Ah, she’s looking at me,” Sana chuckled. “Jeong, please. It’s rude to eavesdrop.”

The girl raised her hands, “It’s not my fault but fine. I will choose to not hear your conversation.”

“Is that possible?” she asked but Jeongyeon already covered her ears and left the kitchen. “Well, that was an effort. Hello? Mina? Jeongyeon’s doing well. She's been a little playful since yesterday.”

Sana couldn’t see but Mina’s eyes widened. In a short amount of time, three days to be exact, there were already changes in Jeongyeon’s behavior. She wanted to go to the island to see it for herself but she’d rather not. It was too early to risk a relapse. “Then that’s good. I assume I won’t be sending a boat for you?”

  
  


“No need. I’m staying. Jeongyeon and I will try to discuss some theories. Oh, by the way, she said to send her more books. She’s about to finish the last one,” when Mina ended the call, Sana turned around to find Jeongyeon leaning on a wall, waiting for her.

“You still haven’t made breakfast,” the taller girl said. Sana rolled her eyes and went to the counter.

“I know, I will make one now,” she took some eggs and started cooking.

“Are you leaving now?” there was something in Jeongyeon’s voice that Sana couldn’t pinpoint. Although she was sure that  _ that  _ something wasn’t there before.

“Why would I leave?” Sana asked, putting some cooking oil in the pan. “Sunny side up?”

Jeongyeon sat on one of the stools, “Scrambled.” The girl nodded and scrambled an egg. “You’re not?”

“Leaving? No. I like it here,” Sana took some bread and placed it in front of Jeongyeon. “Eat up.”

“Thanks,” the girl started eating. “You don’t want to go back to Nayeon?”

Sana stopped cooking and looked at Jeongyeon’s eyes, “How did you know about Nayeon and why do you think I’d go back to her?”

The girl shrugged, “I heard Mina and you talking about her. She’s your girlfriend, right?”

A laugh escaped Sana’s lips, “This is what you get when you eavesdrop, Ms. Jeongyeon.”

“What? Am I wrong?” Jeongyeon was about to take another bite when Sana answered.

“Nayeon is definitely not my lover. She’s not my type,” she sat beside Jeongyeon and then started eating her own scrambled egg.

“What is your type then?” Jeongyeon asked out of pure curiosity.

Sana wanted to be playful but she was also serious when she answered Jeongyeon’s innocent question, “Would it be too straightforward if my answer is you?”

Jeongyeon looked at her. Their eyes met. “What?”

She was frozen. It was something definitely new. She didn’t know how to react. It was something she never experienced before. Even with a quarter of her memories. “My type. I’m saying it’s you,” Sana smiled playfully and stared at her. 


	4. i know we have other choices but i still want to choose you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time will always be something to be terrified of. but it will also be something one cannot forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Enjoy this short(?) chapter!

**i know we have other choices but i still want to choose you**

**  
**~  
  
 _sometimes it’s not_   
_the butterflies that tell you_ _  
you’re in love. It’s the pain._

_-anon_

~

Jeongyeon’s innocent stare made Sana lean back. She shook her head and asked, “Nothing? You didn’t feel anything at all?” The girl shook her head as well, much to Sana’s amusement. “You are so interesting and frustrating at the same time.”

Sana stands up, cleaning up the table. Jeongyeon remained quiet, which was normal for them. While Sana was washing the dishes, Jeongyeon sat on the counter, “Sana, what am I supposed to feel? Tell me so I can feel it for you.”

The girl looked at Jeongyeon, “You’re not supposed to force yourself to feel something. Forcing things will never end well.” the topic was dropped when Sana smiled, “I’ll be washing our clothes today! Want to help me?”

Jeongyeon shook her head, “The sound of the washing machine makes my head hurt so much.”

“Thought so,” Sana pouted. Jeongyeon instinctively patted Sana’s head, “Jeong?”

“Hmm?” the older girl jumped off the counter and stretched her arms upward. “What is it?”

“If I start feeling something for you, what would you do?” Sana’s question stopped Jeongyeon’s movements. Sure, her other caretakers were scared of her. She understands why though, she was insufferable for them. Jeongyeon wanted to be alone. She wanted to escape the idea of being around other people. She knew she didn’t feel anything at all so why would she bother to associate herself with other people?

Jeongyeon looked at Sana, “Why would you feel something for someone as messed up as me?” the girl shook her head, “I’ve read it before that trying to fix someone broken will just break you. I’m a hopeless case. I suggest that if you start feeling something, leave me at once. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of your break.”

“That’s harsh,” Sana chuckled and placed the plates back on their cabinets. “You can’t control feelings, Jeongyeon. As much as people want to do that, it’s not in the law of nature.”

“The law of nature is subjective to begin with,” Jeongyeon put her hand on her chin. “There is nothing written regarding the said law of nature. Philosophy itself is questionable. The chair is there now, if I close my eyes, would it still be there?”

“Enough,” Sana laughs. “I’m not going to challenge you into a debate. Not my style to argue with people using words.”

“How do you argue then?” the blonde faced Sana, not wanting to end the conversation. Her mind gets intrigued at the mention of _feelings._ For the longest time, her caretakers were merely scared of her. Not even interested in making conversations. Jeongyeon never wanted them to leave, she was okay with another living entity around but the silence made them crazy so they all left. Sana, for some reason, can stand the silence. Sana makes the silence bearable. And her mind is nothing normal as well. For Jeongyeon, Sana is the first person who looked at her as a person and not as patient.

Sana smirked, “Wouldn’t you want to know.”

~

The next day came and Jeongyeon just finished eating breakfast. Sana wanted to wait for her but the urge to explore the garden was greater so she just left Jeongyeon some food at the table instead. Jeongyeon was by the window, watching Sana’s facial expressions. For a week now, Jeongyeon had been talking to Sana about almost everything but she never mentioned anything regarding herself. Now that Jeongyeon thought about it, Sana doesn’t talk about herself. It’s always Jeongyeon who talked about her past (limited past at that matter).

Sana felt someone watching her so she looked around and met Jeongyeon’s eyes on her. She smiled and waved. Jeongyeon smiled back and walked away.

“That weirdo,” Sana chuckled and continued watering the plants. All types of flowers grew in their garden. Sana was never a green thumb but she tries to give it her all in everything. Rather than sulking inside the house, she’d rather busy herself. She wanted to call Nayeon but she’d rather not use her own phone at the moment. Things were too messy when she left.

Tired, she went inside the house to find Jeongyeon. She wanted to talk to the girl about things people don’t normally talk about. Sana hated to admit but she found a person who has the same wavelength as her when she met Jeongyeon.

She found Jeongyeon in the living room, reading as always. “Haven’t you read that book before?” Sana sat on the couch in front of the girl. Jeongyeon looked at her and placed the book down.

“I’ve read it again but I wanted to read it again. Is that a crime?” the girl joked. Sana shook her head and laughed, “What’s up? Your heart sounds weird right now.”

“Stop listening to my heart, Jeong,” Sana rolled her eyes. “I’m bored here. What do you usually do when you have nothing else to read?”

Jeongyeon kept quiet and then answered, “I wait for new books.”

“That’s sad!” Sana whined. Jeongyeon winced, the loud voice of the girl causing her to suddenly have a headache. “Sorry,” she covered her mouth.

The girl shook her head and crossed her legs, “It’s not as if I want to be stuck here. But I have no choice so I just accept it as it is.”

“Accepting things as it is, huh?” Sana’s voice grew softer, as if not wanting Jeongyeon to hear it. She looked at Sana’s eyes. Sana’s hazel eyes have always been her asset. People who look at her normally get mesmerized and captivated by her eyes. “Sana, tell me more about yourself.”

Sana’s smile slowly turned into a teasing grin, “You’re interested in me now?” She leaned back and placed her feet on the couch as well, “There’s nothing much about my life. I’m a boring person, as people call it. But sure, ask away and I’ll answer you.”

“Nayeon… I kept thinking why Mina called her your girlfriend but you said she isn’t. Why? Who is she?” Jeongyeon asked.

Sana held her chin, “Nayeon is Nayeon now because she met me. I guess?” the girl laughed. “We were gonna date but we backed out mainly because I know her feelings are not genuine. She’s hiding something while I’m not really the type to date.”

“Are you two close?” Sana never thought about her closeness with Nayeon. Sure, they were always together due to certain circumstances but she didn’t consider it as being ‘close’. They were merely drinking buddies when the circumstances arrived.

“Not sure,” she laughed again and tilted her head. “We had sex when we were drunk once but that doesn’t count because she moaned someone else’s name and I just wanted to relieve stress.”

Jeongyeon shook her head, “Too much information.”

“I don’t care,” Sana winked. “Talking to you makes me feel free. I can tell you anything and you won’t judge me. I hate being judged.”

“What’s with being judged?”

“People judge others too much. It’s an uncontrollable habit that we as humans cannot stop. We tend to look for other people’s flaws and compare them to ourselves just so we can feel good. Imagine being the basis of standards? Nayeon once said that it’s the most difficult thing,” Sana’s tone turned serious. “Ah, you make me want to smoke.”

“I don’t smoke,” Jeongyeon rolled her eyes. “You should stop smoking, Sana. That’s bad for your health.”

“We all die anyway, right?” Sana wanted to scoff but she stopped herself. She heard that line for over a thousand times from someone else. Smoking kills people. But it’s gradual. Sana doesn’t mind. Death is nothing to be afraid of. She wants to live. 

“Where’s your family?” Jeongyeon took the courage to ask Sana something about her personal background. Mina didn’t give her a background paper about Sana so she wanted to ask for herself.

Sana looked at the ceiling, “Somewhere? I’m not sure.” Jeongyeon was about to ask something again when Sana continued, “Did you know? I can bake but I cannot cook. I learned that during university days.”

“What? Baking?” thunder roared, surprising Sana. Jeongyeon groaned in pain, the loud roar made her brain feel like it splitted into two. “It’s gonna rain soon. I can smell it.”

“Yeah,” Sana was looking at the clouds. The way the light slowly disappeared from Sana’s eyes made Jeongyeon want to remove the clouds above. She wants to see more of Sana’s bright eyes. “When I was in college, my organization needed funds for our charity work so we sold brownies and cookies and all that kind of things you can bake.”

Jeongyeon kept staring at Sana, interested in what she was telling her. She took notice on how Sana’s nose wrinkles when she laughs. How her eyes disappear when she smiles. Jeongyeon saw how Sana’s laugh always tends to be louder during the first second and then slowly softens as she continues to do so.

The rain started to pour, silencing Sana from telling her stories. “The rain makes you happy,” Jeongyeon blurted out.

Sana looked at her with an amused smile, “I told you to stop listening to my heart.”

“I can’t suddenly stop hearing your heart. It beats so loud like it wants me to listen to it,” Jeongyeon stared at the window. “How does the rain feel like?”

“What do you mean?” Sana followed Jeongyeon’s line of sight and saw that the girl was looking at the pouring rain. “You’ve never tried playing under the rain?”

The girl shook her head, “I’ve always been alone here even with a caretaker around. Every time it rains, I go inside my room and watch it pour. I tried it before but then I got sick and I felt like I almost died because of the fever so I never did it again.”

Sana stood up, “Let’s go. Let’s do something you’ve never done before.” She offered her hand, “If you get sick, I’ll be here.”

Jeongyeon was hesitant. She didn’t want to experience that excruciating fever again but Sana’s smile made it look like nothing is impossible. When Sana felt Jeongyeon’s hand on hers, her smile widened. “You better make sure I don’t get sick or else Mina will scold you for not taking care of me.”

“Jeong, taking care of you is the only thing I will do,” she said. She pulled the girl towards the door. She stepped out first and looked up, “It feels the best.”

“Really?”

Sana turned to her and gave a soft smile before offering her hand again, “Come.”

There were days when she would never step out of the house. Those days were when Sana was not yet with her. But then Sana arrived, everything changed. So far for the better. Jeongyeon took Sana’s hand and stepped out of the shed. The first raindrop she felt on her cheek felt liberating. The amount of times she dreamt of being under the rain was nothing compared to what she was experiencing now.

“It’s cold,” Jeongyeon said. Sana nodded and skipped around the grass. She noticed how Sana’s eyes were brighter than before. So it was true when Sana said that she loved the rain. “Why do you love the rain?”

The girl looked at her, all wet from the rain. Water dripped from her hair to her face, “It washes out everything. A new start. Cleaning out the past.” Though the answer referred to the rain, Jeongyeon couldn’t help but think that Sana was talking about something else. “Jeongyeon, enjoy the rain while it lasts.”

The blonde looked up, “How?” she reached out her hand to catch raindrops on her palm. “How does it feel to enjoy it?”

Sana chuckled, “You set yourself free, silly!” she held Jeongyeon’s hand and pulled her around, “See this? You can be free under the rain!”

Jeongyeon looked at how Sana skipped and danced under the rain, not minding if she looked silly. Sometimes, Sana would stumble and laugh at herself. She’d stand just to make silly dance steps again. What Sana said was right, the weight on her shoulders was lifted. She laughed. Jeongyeon laughed from the bottom of her heart.

Sana stopped dancing and turned her head to Jeongyeon, who was laughing with her eyes closed. She felt her heart stop for a few seconds. Jeongyeon’s laugh sounded like music. It sounded like angels were singing. Happiness suited Jeongyeon. It suited the girl so much that Sana suddenly wanted to just make sure that Jeongyeon remains happy for a long time.

“Why?” Jeongyeon asked her in between her laughs. “You look silly.”

She took a step towards Jeongyeon, “Your laugh sounded much better than any music I’ve heard.” She didn’t know where that came from but she is sure that it was true. She could never lie. Not to Jeongyeon, at least. Being around the girl was suddenly her own version of freedom.

“Music? You mean singing, right? I think I can sing,” Jeongyeon looked at her. “If I remember, the last song I heard was You and Me by Lighthouse. It’s old, right?”

Sana nodded, “Yep. But let’s hear it. Impress me.”

Jeongyeon starts singing. Sana suddenly felt like her world stopped. The chorus part made her _feel_ something she didn’t want to feel. Jeongyeon was becoming someone important to her at such a fast pace, she didn’t know what to do to stop it.

When the girl stopped singing, she looked at Sana, “How did I do?”

“I,” Sana couldn’t find the right words to say but Jeongyeon’s singing voice was much better than she expected. She felt hurt that life took everything away from Jeongyeon and gave her this situation for her to suffer for the rest of her life.

“I impressed you, didn’t I?” Jeongyeon chuckled and pulled Sana towards the shed. “Enough rain for today. Go shower and we will have dinner.”

Jeongyeon shook her head, wanting the droplets of water to be removed. Sana stood there, looking at the girl, “Jeong.”

The girl looked at her, “Yeah?”

She gave a soft smile, “For someone who doesn’t feel anything, you make me feel so much.” She proceeded to her room, leaving Jeongyeon confused by the doorway.

~

Nothing much changed between them. Although Sana kept her heart in check for the next few days. She didn’t want to feel something she might regret. The day for Mina to return finally came and the doctor was already by the main door. Jeongyeon welcomed her with a smile.

“Hey, Doc. Here to check on me?” Mina was surprised to see Jeongyeon’s genuine smile. She was used to Jeongyeon’s sarcastic smirks but this was the first time that Jeong gave her a smile that felt real.

Mina nodded, “Correct. Where’s Sana?” she looked around, waiting for Sana to enter her line of sight.

“I’m here!” the girl came running from the kitchen. Before she could reach Mina and Jeongyeon, she tripped.

Mina expected Sana on the floor but she was more surprised when Jeongyeon caught Sana. She was holding the caretaker’s hand and waist, supporting her from falling. “You’re loud and clumsy. What kind of caretaker are you?”

Sana chuckled, “Stop being cranky. Mina’s here.” She turned to the doctor, “Want drinks? Food? I can cook lunch now. Go do your doctor thingy and I’ll prepare. Jeong, be nice.”

“I’m always nice to Doctor Myoui,” the girl started walking towards the bedroom that turned into a consultation room.

Mina followed Jeongyeon, still surprised by the improvement and changes in Jeongyeon’s attitude. She was willingly touching and holding someone now. Mina knew that it hurts Jeong to get touched and touch someone else but she endured it earlier.

“So, how’s Sana as your caretaker?” Mina asked after the check up. They were still inside the room, “I brought new books as you requested.”

“Thanks,” Jeongyeon rested her chin on her palm. “Sana? She’s okay. We talk everyday and it’s refreshing to hear other people’s opinion regarding things. Normally other caretakers would leave after cooking me food but Sana? She joins me and makes sure I eat a lot. Where did you find her anyway? She’s, by far, the most okay caretaker I had.”

Talkative. Jeongyeon was talkative now. It was all thanks to Sana. Mina never imagined that a day would come where Jeongyeon would become talkative but look at her now.

“You look okay yourself,” Mina wrote down her observations. She emphasized on her notes how light Jeongyeon looked.

Jeongyeon nodded, “I think I’m still the same. Sana made me play under the rain a few days ago though. It was nice. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I’ve always wondered how it would feel to have raindrops on my skin. My curiosity has been satisfied.”

A knock disturbed them, “Lunch is ready.” Sana’s voice resonated from outside.

Jeongyeon stood up and turned to Mina, “She finally learned how to cook. Try it. It tastes okay.”

The doctor followed and went to the kitchen. She sat in front of Sana while Jeongyeon sat beside her. Mina continued to observe them, wanting to find out more of how they interact.

“Jeong, I tried this recipe from the internet. It turned the chicken orange. It’s not sweet and sour though,” Sana explained. Jeongyeon continued to listen and took some rice from the bowl. “Taste it. I need to know if it’s okay.”

Jeongyeon took a bite, “It’s fine. Eat up, Sana.”

Mina took it as a signal to start eating before the two started to notice that she was observing. “Sana, this is actually good. Congrats.”

“Thanks!” Jeongyeon winced when Sana’s voice raised slightly, “Oh, sorry, Jeong.”

Jeongyeon waved her hand dismissively and continued to eat. Sana looked at Mina, “Mina, do you mind if I borrow your phone? I want to check up on Nayeon.”

“Sure, here,” she gave her phone and Sana stood up to make a call.

Jeongyeon remained quiet and finished eating. “Sometimes, she’s too loud that even when I’m inside the study room, reading, I can hear her arguing with a plant. A plant, Doctor. I think being isolated is finally taking a toll on her.”

Mina laughed, “I think that’s just her.”

“I SAID NO!” Sana’s shout made Jeongyeon wince but she stood up and went to where Sana was.

They found Sana arguing with Nayeon on the phone. Her shoulders were shaking because of anger and to Mina’s further surprise, Jeongyeon held the girl’s shoulder, calming her down. Sana ended the call and started crying. Jeong looked like she didn’t know what to do. She looked lost.

Mina went to the consultation room to check on Jeongyeon’s files. Mina found what she was looking for and scanned through the pages. Her finger stopped at a certain bullet.

_~ Cannot stand physical touch. Unbearable pain._

The doctor placed the file back and went to the two girls again. She found Jeongyeon hugging Sana. She looked like she was in pain but Jeongyeon continued to hug Sana until the girl stopped crying.

Sana stopped crying and broke the hug, “Why did you hug me? Aren’t you hurting right now because of it?”

Jeongyeon tilted her head, “You were hurting so I thought I’d bear a little of the pain with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thinkkkkkk on twitter juseyow @moonbyulasaur


	5. people do not understand that my peace begins and ends with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is big but sometimes it fits between your arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo~ enjoyyy

**  
people do not understand that my peace begins and ends with you**

**  
**~  
 _hold me in your arms_   
_even if i am fragile_ _  
like a dream._

_-alexandra vasiliu_

~

Mina cleared her throat. Sana took a step back and smiled, “So… are you guys in the mood for dessert? I made pudding the other day.”

“It smelled delicious. I want some,” Jeongyeon started walking towards the dining area again. The doctor curiously watched how the scene unfold in front of her. Sana’s blinding smile hid the pain her eyes were screaming to the people around her. Mina noticed the subtle anxious gestures that the girl was making but chose to remain mum about it. It is not her nature to force someone to open up to her.

They reached the kitchen. Sana was busy getting the pudding from the fridge but she still initiated the conversation, “How did you know? You were stuck inside the study room the whole day.”

Jeongyeon leaned her chin on her hand and pointed at her nose, “I have a sensitive sense of smell. I can smell even from a kilometer away.”

Sana’s mouth made an ‘O’. She chuckled and served the pudding to them, “I forgot, you’re a special case. I keep thinking you’re just a cranky landlady.”

The comment made Mina laugh, “I’m sorry. It was too funny that I couldn’t control myself.”

Jeongyeon rolled her eyes, “And you’re the loud tenant I have.”

“I’m your only tenant,” Sana teased. 

“Why did you shout earlier?” Jeongyeon asked. Mina caught Sana’s shoulders tensed up. She continued to eat her pudding.

The caretaker shrugged, “Nayeon was being petty again. How can you stand her, Mina? She’s just loud and that’s it.”

“You make it sound like you’re not a loud person as well, Sana,” Jeongyeon finished her pudding and placed the container in the dishwasher. “You’re the loudest person I’ve met.”

“Oh?” Sana smirked. “And how many people have you met?”

Jeongyeon stopped walking and looked at Sana with an annoyed face, “I don’t know. I’m a patient with amnesia, remember?”

“Now you’re just being cranky. Want Sana, the loving care taker, to hug that mood swing away?” Sana continued to piss Jeongyeon off but Mina only watched as if she wasn’t there at all. Everything in front of her was so foreign. Jeongyeon was interacting with someone as if she was normal. Not that Mina thought she was but the situation was different. Jeongyeon was a special case and Mina wants to make sure that everything runs as smoothly as possible for Jeongyeon to live in peace. It was the least she could do as the girl’s doctor.

Mina stood up, “I should really get going.” 

Before the two could react, thunder roared. It was louer compared to when Sana and Jeongyeon played in the rain. It sounded like the rain was going to be unforgiving. Sana looked at Mina, “You should sleep here for the night. Even the boat driver. He can sleep in the living room.”

Mina wanted to say no but Jeongyeon spoke, “I agree with Sana. Just stay here and be safe rather than risking it. I don’t want another doctor.”

That night, Mina slept beside Sana. They didn’t talk much because the girl stayed inside the study room until past midnight.

~

The next morning, Mina woke up with the smell of breakfast being cooked. She quickly took a shower and went out to help Sana. She found both Jeongyeon and Sana by the counter. The latter was teasing Jeongyeon as always.

“Come on, Jeong. Why did you hug me? Were you concerned?” Sana placed the cooked eggs on a plate. She looked at Jeongyeon again, “Are you starting to feel something for me now?”

“You assume too much,” Jeongyeon kept shaking her head. She noticed the doctor, “Good morning, Doctor Myoui.”

“I told you, call me Mina. It’s fine since we’re not in the hospital,” she explained. Sana gave her food and then sat at her usual seat. “Thank, Sana.”

“Sure thing,” the girl started eating. Sana and Mina talked about the latest collection that Nayeon endorsed.

It was when Jeongyeon put her utensils down that they stopped, “It’s bland.”

“What?” Sana took another bite of what she cooked. “It tastes okay.”

“Do I look like I’m lying then?” Jeongyeon snapped. She shoved the plate and stood up.

Mina interjected, “Jeong, room one?”

The tallest among them nodded and proceeded to the consultation room. She dropped herself on a chair and covered her eyes with an arm. 

“Mina, I can’t taste anything,” Jeongyeon told the doctor.

“How is that possible?”

The girl glared at her, “I don’t know! I could taste even the tiniest piece of salt and it would taste as if a whole teaspoon was included. You’re the doctor here! Tell me why the hell can’t I taste anything!”

“I can’t do anything here but check your stats,” Mina told her in a calm tone. “We have to go to the city.”

“No,” Jeongyeon slammed her hand on the desk. “I will not leave this place. The city is too loud. I hate it there.”

“We don’t have much of a choice, Jeong. I need those machines to scan your brain. Then we might find a solution as to why your sense of taste suddenly disappeared,” Mina removed her stethoscope and sighed.

“I refuse,” the girl stood up and walked away.

Jeongyeon found Sana inside the study room, reading a medical book. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

Sana lowered her head, “I think my cooking was too terrible that it caused you to not taste it. I’m sorry.”

She pulled Sana and patted her head, “It’s not your fault that I can’t taste anything. It will never be your fault for taking care of me.”

~

When morning came, Sana continued to push herself to cook meals for Jeongyeon to eat. She made sure to put enough seasoning so that the girl could taste it. She took it to the heart when Jeongyeon said that it wasn’t her fault. Everything inside her screamed that it was.

“Good morning,” Jeongyeon sat down at her usual seat. She looked at the table full of food, “What’s the occasion?”

Sana smiled, “I cooked different kinds of foods. I was up around four am.” Jeongyeon nodded so she continued, “I think if you’d taste everything there, you’d get your taste buds back.”

The girl smiled, “Thank you for your effort.” Sana was so busy getting water from the fridge that she didn’t see how Jeongyeon’s cheeks turned red and then returned to normal.

When she sat in front of Jeong, she patiently waited for the girl to say something regarding the taste of her cooking. Sana’s heart raced in an irregular beat. She was excited yet she feared that maybe Jeongyeon’s lost of taste was permanent.

Jeongyeon looked at her with tired eyes. It was actually the first time that Jeongyeon ever looked at her like that, “Sana, it’s still bland.”

She took a piece from Jeongyeon’s plate and ate it. “It tastes okay! What do you mean?”

The way the Jeongyeon winced in pain because her voice was a little too loud reminded Sana that everything was still fine. Just a little worrying but still fine, “It’s fine. I can live without it.”

Mina arrived. The doctor didn’t leave because she wanted to monitor Jeongyeon’s condition. Although the blonde thought it was unnecessary, she didn’t complain. Mina only wanted to help so Jeongyeon just shrugged and left.

“Sana, can we talk for a moment? It’s about Nayeon,” the doctor led them inside the consultation room. “This room is soundproof so I want to talk to you here.”

“What’s wrong?” Sana sat in the chair and looked at Mina with worried eyes. “Did something happen to Nayeon?”

The doctor shook her head, “No. I made that excuse because I want to talk to you about Jeongyeon.”

“Why? Is this about her taste buds?”

Mina nodded, “Yes. She won’t go with me to the city. She wants to just let things fall where they may be. I will leave today because I know she’s uncomfortable with my presence. But do you mind convincing her to go to the city? I need to run some tests because what happened is not something we see everyday. For three years, Jeongyeon has had an extreme sense of taste. She could even taste the slightest bit of salt included in the food but to have her not taste anything might be something alarming for her. She’s a special case, Sana, and I understand that you think of her like a normal person but she’s different. At the end of the day, she’s not normal.”

Sana remained quiet. She thought about how Jeongyeon smiled the first time. How it felt for her to have the girl smile like that. When they played under the rain, Jeongyeon almost looked at par with Aphrodite herself. Sana would give anything to have Jeongyeon laugh like that again.

“For some reason, Jeongyeon listens to you. Now, when I leave, do everything you can to make sure that she agrees to go to the city. I will leave my hospital phone here so you can contact me anytime. I will arrange everything if needed. By doing this, you will be helping her,” Mina stood up and touched Sana’s shoulder. “Let me know.”

When Mina left, Sana continued to weigh her options. She didn’t want to go back to the city because it might cause everything to go to waste but she also didn’t want to leave Jeongyeon in that situation. She sighed.

“That was deep,” Jeongyeon was leaning at the wall by the door, her hands crossed. “What’s with Nayeon?”

Sana gave her a weak smile, “Nothing much.” she stood up and walked towards where Jeongyeon was standing, “Shall we take a stroll outside? You look like you could use some vitamin D in you.”

Jeongyeon walked beside her. The quiet atmosphere between the two of them was relaxing. Sana took another deep breath and then started talking, “I can’t stop thinking about your situation.”

“What do you mean?” the taller girl continued to walk beside Sana. She could hear the girl’s heartbeat slowly speeding up. “You mean my sudden loss of taste in everything?”

Sana nodded, “Aren’t you bothered?”

“I couldn’t care less, actually,” Jeongyeon shrugged. What she said was true. Food was just a need to continue living but if she were to think about it, she didn’t need it in her life. It was her body that needed it.

“I care,” Sana stopped walking. Jeongyeon looked at her with a confused expression, “I want you to be okay.”

“I am okay like this, Sana. don’t worry too much,” she started walking again but Sana held her wrist.

Normally, Jeongyeon would flinch and jerk the hand holding her away. But there was a certain wave of warmth that travelled to her heart from the moment Sana touched her, “Why?”

“Jeongyeon, I care. Mina told me that she needs to run some tests in order to make sure that there wasn’t anything alarming happening to you. Please, let’s go to the city,” she couldn’t meet Jeongyeon’s eyes. Sana wanted to disappear.

_Everyone I care about. They get hurt because of me._

“Do you want that? The city is loud, I’ll get migraine from all the noise there. But do you want me to go? Will that make your heart calm down?” the girl asked Sana.

Sana’s heart clenched. She felt pain inside her chest. She didn’t know why. But nonetheless, she nodded, “I want you to be okay.”

Jeongyeon looked up at the orange sky, “Okay. We’ll go there.”

She met the girl’s eyes, “If we go, you’ll get hurt by the noise. But at least we might get answers. After the check up, we’ll go back there. Me and you. I promise,” Sana smiled at her.

“I take your promise,” Jeongyeon looked away. There was a pinch in her heart that she couldn’t pinpoint where it came from. She just brushed it off.

~

Mina’s hospital phone rang when Sana was resting on her bed. She took it and saw Nayeon’s name on the screen.

“What?” she answered the phone. “I’m tired.”

“I’m sorry, Sana. I shouldn’t have said what I said but can you please reconsider?” Nayeon’s voice was tired. Since their fight, Sana has been thinking about their conversation. Nayeon wanted her to return to the city, saying she’ll be the one to protect Sana. But that doesn’t solve anything. She needed to stay lowkey for the meantime and then return to the city when everything was settled.

“You know my answer, Nay,” she told her. Sana proceeded to ask a favor to lend her the most soundproof van she has.

“I don’t have any of that. But try to call you fiancée. Pretty sure she has one,” Nayeon gave the phone to Mina. “So, how was it?”

“We’re going to the city. Let me call someone first and then I’ll text you the details,” Sana ended the call and dialled another number.

“Hello?” the familiar voice rang through Sana’s ears.

“Hi, it’s me,” her playful tone was back.

Sana counted to three, “HOW DARE YOU CALL ME AFTER CALLING OFF OUR WEDDING THREE DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY!”

“Now, now, stay calm,” Sana tried not to laugh but the girl’s voice was so funny that she almost failed.

“Calm? Minatozaki, do you know what kind of humiliation my clan is currently going through?! My dad is furious! Why did you call it off?!” Sana’s fiancée was never loud in public but she saw right through the girl’s facade.

She suddenly became serious, “Because we do not love each other and deep inside that heart of yours, you are actually thankful that I called it off. That I took the hate while you got the sympathy.”

There was silence between them. She heard her _ex_ -fiancée sigh, “What do you need?”

Sana smiled, “Okay, here’s what I need you to do.”

~

It was the night before they set off to the city. Sana was standing by the window and looking at how the moon shined against the dark sky. She noticed Jeongyeon walking in the garden and sitting at the garden set. She took her jacket and went out.

“Hey,” Sana waved at the girl who was already looking at her. It was like her heart stopped when Jeongyeon smiled and tapped the space beside her. “Why are you out here at this hour?”

“Tomorrow, we go to the city. It’s been three years since I last heard the noise there. My mind couldn’t rest so I decided to take a walk. Maybe the waves can calm me down,” Jeongyeon explained.

“Jeong,” Sana was about to apologize when Jeongyeon cut her off.

“Don’t. I told you, it’s not your fault that I’m messed up like this. No one knows why I survived, how I survived. I can’t live like a normal person. I should have died,” the girl said.

Sana was brave enough to hold Jeongyeon’s hand, “Don’t say that. I’m thankful you lived. It doesn’t show but I like it when we talk like this. It calms me down.”

Jeongyeon scoffed, “Calm? Your heart’s been beating like crazy since you came out of the house. How is that calm?”

The night was favoring Sana because Jeongyeon didn’t notice how she blushed, “Shut up. Stop listening to my heart, Jeongyeon. That’s rude.”

The ache in Jeongyeon’s heart returned when she noticed how their fingers were interlocked. She didn’t feel pain in her hand. The pain was in her chest and she couldn’t do anything. She wanted to keep holding Sana’s hand.

~

When the two arrived at the city docks, a black SUV was waiting for them. The driver got out and bowed, “Ms. Sana, we were sent here to escort you.”

“You’re rich?” Jeongyeon asked and then followed Sana inside the car.

“You can say that. But I don’t mind being an average person,” the girl replied.

The trip to the hospital was short because of the special plate number that the SUV possessed. Mina was waiting for them by the entrance of the hospital. Sana accompanied the girl. Since Mina was a favored doctor, she was allowed to bring Sana everywhere and anywhere Jeongyeon went. It lasted for hours. Sana kept looking around, as if expecting someone to come but she felt relieved when the clock struck three and there was no one who looked at her and recognized her.

“The test results showed that everything’s normal. I don’t see any possible reason as to why you’d lose your sense of taste,” Mina told them inside the consultation room.

Jeongyeon looked at Sana, “I told you, I’m okay.”

“Can we have one more stop before we go back to the island though?” she asked. The girl looked at Sana and then nodded.

Mina had to stay at the hospital which is why it was only the two of them who went to sa outskirts of the city and settled inside a restaurant.

“This place is safe, don’t worry,” Sana reassured the girl. Jeongyeon took a seat and looked at the menu.

“I’m not sure why you brought me here. If it’s because of the food, I can’t taste it so I don’t see the point,” Jeongyeon scanned through the pictures. Everything looked appetizing that it made her feel annoyed that she wouldn't be able to taste it.

“I know,” Sana held her hand again. “But my mother used to bring me here and I miss the taste of it.”

Jeongyeon noticed the sadness in Sana’s eyes. She wanted to ask but in a split second, they turned back to the gleaming eyes Sana always had.

Dinner was quiet. Too quiet, actually. Sana was so busy eating the ramen she ordered that she failed to notice that Jeongyeon was staring at her.

“Sana, why did you come to the island?” she asked.

Sana stopped eating and placed her chopsticks down, “Why are you asking me all of a sudden?”

Jeong shrugged, “I’m just curious.”

“Curiosity can kill, love,” Sana said those words with a cold voice. But she smiled again, “I needed work, why do you think?”

When they left the restaurant, the same SUV was waiting for them outside. Sana knew that Jeongyeon was gonna ask about the car again but she chose to ignore the question. When they reached the docks, the normal boat guy was there and waiting for them. Sana assisted Jeong off the car and turned to the driver.

“I’m thankful,” Sana gave a courteous bow and continued talking, “Tell her that I will contact her if I need anything else.”

The driver bowed, “As you wish, Lady Sana.”

Jeongyeon heard it but paid no mind. It’s not her business and Sana didn’t want to share yet so she doesn’t want to push the girl. What matters to her is that Sana chose to stay with her on the island.

The boat ride was in an awkward silence. Sana knew that Jeongyeon heard how the driver called her but chose to respect her wish that it’s not yet time to answer such questions. Aside from that, she still blames herself for what happened to Jeongyeon’s sense of taste.

When they got back to the island, they were still quiet until they reached the house. To her surprise, it was Jeongyeon who held her hand, “Sana, stop blaming yourself.”

Sana looked at Jeong and then broke down, “I’m so sorry.”

Jeongyeon was once again concerned that Sana was crying. She couldn’t find the answer no matter how much she thought about it. She had been thinking about it for days. Why did she hug Sana before? Why did she withstand the pain just so she could make sure that Sana was okay?

She couldn’t care less though. She pulled Sana again and hugged her. She gently rubbed Sana’s head and said, “It’s just taste, Sana. I can still feel you like this.”

For some reason, Sana was in so much pain because of what was happening with Jeongyeon. While on the other hand, Jeongyeon felt no pain with Sana between her arms. She closed her eyes and thought about how calming it was to hug the girl.


	6. it is certain that the sun comes to end the dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The light comes when you’re at your darkest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOO WAZZUP! ENJOOOOY~

**  
it is certain that the sun comes to end the dream**

**  
**~  
 _you have done it all._   
_you healed me in all the ways no one_ _  
else could, and hurt me all the same._

_\- Bhumika Singh_

~

The hug made everything different. At least, Sana thinks so. It’s been three days since they went to the city and returned to the island with no answers as to why Jeongyeon lost her sense of taste. She found bruises in Jeongyeon’s body but the girl just told her to not mind it because it was caused by the consecutive physical touches she gave.

“You’re still guilty about the hug when I’m the one who pulled you and initiated that hug?” Jeongyeon entered the living room with a book in her hand. “Sana, I told you to stop thinking about it already.”

Sana rolled her eyes, “I wasn’t thinking about it.”

“You make me want to flick your forehead,” the girl sat beside her and opened her book. “I decided to do that on my own so don’t feel guilty.”

“Why? You got bruised,” she subtly leaned away from Jeongyeon. The girl noticed and pulled her back. She groaned.

“Keep me warm, caretaker,” the teasing tone in Jeongyeon’s voice annoyed her yet she gave in. “It’s already ber-months, it’ll be colder.”

What the girl said was true. Since it was early September, the wind started to become colder than the summer breeze that was the normal wind in the island. For quite some time, Sana had been cooking soups and other food with liquid just to make sure that their stomachs were warm. Jeongyeon neither complimented her nor complained. It was the cause of her not having any taste. It still bothered Sana so much but she respected Jeongyeon’s wish to not mind it anymore.

She stole a glance on Jeong. Sana already memorized how defined the girl’s jaw was. How deep Jeongyeon’s eyes were. How they blend perfectly with her eyebrows. It’s amazing how Jeongyeon’s lips were uneven yet they looked perfect. Sana shook her head, causing the girl to look at her.

“Your heart’s racing again. Are you okay?” Jeongyeon placed her hand on Sana’s forehead. “You don’t feel like you have a fever?”

Sana closed her eyes and cherished how warm Jeongyeon’s hand felt, “I’m okay. Stop listening to my heart.”

Jeongyeon chuckled, “Apparently, your heart wants to be heard. Every time I’m around, it keeps beating so loudly that it almost demands my attention.”

She stood up and stretched her arms upwards, “Don’t give it what it wants.”

The girl closed her book and looked at Sana, “I already gave you my full attention.”

Sana looked back at Jeong. She knew the feeling all too well. She knew that nothing good will come from acknowledging things such as this but she couldn’t stop herself. She woke up with that urge to make sure Jeongyeon is the happiest in the world and she can’t seem to stop wanting that. Sana couldn’t care less about herself as long as she can see that Jeongyeon was okay. But so far, all she has inside of her are worries. She couldn’t help but blame herself still why Jeongyeon lost her sense of taste.

But nonetheless, maybe it was okay.

_Maybe I should give myself another chance._

“You should really be careful of what you say, Jeongyeon,” Sana’s voice sounded too serious that Jeongyeon almost felt a shiver when she suddenly smiled and continued talking. “You might not be able to handle it in the future.”

Jeongyeon scoffed, “You think I have anything to fear? I’ve lost everything. I don’t mind risking whatever it is that’s left of me.”

That’s right. Ever since their hug, Jeongyeon had been reciprocating her advances. Sana knew that it was just due to the fact that the girl became more comfortable around her. But for her, it wasn’t helping. Every time Jeongyeon would retaliate with her _totally_ harmless flirting, her own walls would break inch by inch. Years of not allowing anyone to look inside were slowly becoming useless as Jeongyeon effortlessly bulldozered the walls she worked so hard to raise.

“Whatever. I’ll cook dinner,” Sana left the living room, actually escaping would be the perfect term. She reached the kitchen and held on to the counter to support her weight because what Jeongyeon said literally made her weak.

Sana had an internal argument with herself while she was cooking. She was debating whether or not she will admit something to herself. She thought about the things she did that led her to where she was now. The decisions she made, the choices she chose. Everything up to the point where she needed to ask Nayeon’s help just so she can survive.

~

_“Seriously, you just had to be curious, Sana? Now you’re done for,” Sana stuffed enough clothes inside her bag and grabbed her phone. “Please answer. Nayeon, god damn it, answer the phone.”_

_“What’s up? It’s not evening yet for a booty call, Sana,” she never felt so relieved in hearing Nayeon’s annoying voice._

_“Please help me. I found out. My mom. Dead. I know now. I’m next. I know now. Please,” Sana wanted to cry but time is crucial. She needed to move fast and she couldn't contact the family of her fiancee. Who knows, maybe the family was involved as well. She couldn’t possibly risk walking into the home of those people._

_Nayeon was quiet but soon, she sighed, “I’m guessing I’m your only choice?” Sana held back a sob._

_A knock disturbed their talk. Sana made sure that her door was locked but nonetheless, she felt as if she had a heart attack, “Lady Sana, the Master called and said that the charity event will be postponed because of the upcoming wedding.”_

_It took everything in her to make sure that her voice did not crack when she answered, “Sure. I’ll be taking my time then. Just make sure I don’t get any schedules.”_

_Nayeon spoke again, “Go to the outskirts. Where we met. I’ll be there waiting.”_

_“Thank you,” Sana ended the call and took the keys of her car from the drawer._

**_Mom, I’m so sorry._ **

_Sana arrived at the location. She spotted Nayeon’s undeclared car. She hopped in and hugged the girl, “Thank you so much.”_

_“No need to thank me. I’m glad you’re safe,” the girl started to drive._

_“I need to leave. The city is not safe for me. They will know where I am regardless of where I hide in this city. If I go to another country, they’ll know as well. I need to be where I don’t need identification,” Sana’s voice quivered in fear. She kept looking around if she was followed but it looked like she wasn’t. She left the car engine running. It’s just a car, no need to worry._

_“Alright. I think Mina can help but promise me she won’t get hurt in this,” Nayeon maneuvered the car and sped up to the city._

_“Don’t tell her anything then,” she went to the backseat when Nayeon dialed Mina’s number. They talked and soon enough, Mina was with them. Sana put on her angelic smile. The one she was so used to using every time there was a charity event under their name,_

_She hugged Nayeon when she was about to board the boat, “Don’t tell anyone. Don’t call my phone. Just let me contact you through Mina every time she visits the island, okay?”_

_“Stay alive,” Nayeon kissed her cheek and smiled. “Bye!”_

_Sana got on the boat and looked at Nayeon one more time. She waved and looked ahead._

**_I will, Nayeon. I will stay alive._ **

~

Sana did not notice Jeongyeon watching her from the entrance of the kitchen. She got startled when the girl spoke, “The chicken’s burning already.”

“Oh,” she flipped the chicken and continued, “Sorry. I’ll eat it, don’t worry.”

“You look out of it. What’s up?” Jeongyeon sat by the counter and waited for her to answer. Sana could already draw the features of Jeongyeon’s face. She got so used to seeing it, looking at it closely, that she couldn’t seem to forget what it looks like.

She shrugged, “Nothing much. Just wondering what happened to you.”

“Your heart was slowly beating earlier. I thought you were dying so I came. Now it’s racing again,” the girl took an apple and started eating it.

“Leave my heart alone,” she rolled her eyes and placed the plate with chicken in front of Jeong. “Eat here. I don’t want to set the table.”

“Ayt,” the girl started eating but continued to talk to her. “I like listening to your heart, Sana. It kind of calms me down.”

Their eyes met. Sana felt her world stop. 

_I want to kiss you._

Sana moved away and shook her head. She couldn’t believe her own thoughts for a split second. She wanted to bang her head against the counter.

“What’s wrong?” Jeongyeon raised an eyebrow and offered her a bite. “Eat up.”

“Jeong, no,” she shook her head but the girl made the fork rest on her lips.

“Your cooking improved a lot. I would say that but I can’t taste it so just open your mouth, taste it and tell me how good it is,” Sana gave in and took the bite. She was impressed by her own cooking.

“It’s tender. The flavor really came out after marinating it overnight,” she said. Jeongyeon smiled at her, “What?”

“Your eyes. They’re the prettiest shade of brown I’ve ever seen,” Sana wanted to combust when Jeongyeon said those words.

The girl stood up and went to stand right in front of Sana. She placed a hand on Sana’s cheek and leaned closer, “Jeongyeon.”

“No, seriously,” Jeongyeon stared at her eyes, as if wanting to be swallowed by Sana’s orbs. “I’ve seen a million of colors before but I think the shade of your eyes will be my favorite starting today.”

Sana backed away and tried to calm her heart, “I told you to stop, didn’t I?”

The blonde crossed her arms, “Why would I? I like looking at you.”

“Then just look at me. Don’t make me _feel_ things,” Sana ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. “I’m sorry. You probably don’t understand. Don’t mind me, hmm? I’m just stressed.”

Jeongyeon looked at her softly. Something Sana would’ve appreciated if her heart wasn’t racing like it was. But nonetheless, she took a deep breath and cherished the look Jeongyeon gave her. She wanted to hug the girl but she stopped herself. She couldn’t possibly hurt Jeongyeon more.

~

It was the third week after they went to the city and so far, nothing changed. Jeongyeon still couldn’t taste anything. They still don’t know the reason why and Sana was still guilty as to why it happened in the first place.

“Sana, why do you smell so nice?” it was a random question from Jeongyeon. They were in the garden. Sana was busy watering the plants and Jeongyeon was drinking tea while sitting on one of the chairs outside.

“What?” Sana looked at her with a frown. She was finally getting used to her rapidly beating heart and random blushes when Jeongyeon smiles or touches her out of nowhere. Like when Jeong held her hand because she was about to walk out of the study room two days ago. Or when the girl placed her arm around Sana’s shoulder when they watched a horror movie and Sana got terrified.

Jeongyeon chuckled (which totally didn’t look adorable for Sana. No. It didn’t make her heart race. Nope.), “You smell like the first day of spring. It’s relaxing. I like it.”

She smirked, “You know, a few weeks ago, you told me you liked my eyes. Now you like my scent. Are you in love with me?”

The blonde placed her cup down, “What are you gonna do about it?”

The watering can was dropped.

“Jeongyeon,” her tone was serious. Sana’s heart started beating rapidly again.

The girl laughed, “Sana. You keep forgetting that I can’t feel. How can I possibly love you?”

The pain that was suddenly in Sana’s chest was unbearable. But she continued to smile. She turned around and walked towards the entrance of the house. Mina was meant to come today since it was Jeongyeon’s check up. The doctor was there, smiling when she saw Sana’s face.

Jeongyeon followed Mina to the consultation room. Sana was busy cooking but she kept thinking about the caretaker. Mina was the one who broke the silence. “You look like you care for her. Was that what made you go to the city?”

Mina was surprised to see Jeongyeon smile, “I care a lot about her, Dr. Myoui. Sana was the first person who looked at me like I’m another human and not a weirdo who can hear heartbeats. She makes me laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed before. Don’t you?”

The doctor shook her head and smiled back, “Sounds like you two are very close. Do you notice any changes in your body these days? How about your senses?

“Same, same, Doctor,” Jeongyeon kept looking at the door, as if expecting Sana. “How are you and Nayeon?”

Mina closed her eyes, “Jeongyeon, I told you to forget about that day when I came here and broke down about my best friend.”

“Best friend you’ve been in love with since you two met, right?”

The doctor chuckled. She was about to say something when her phone rang. It was Nayeon. “You speak of the devil and she comes.”

“Is Sana there?” was Nayeon’s greeting.

“Hello to you too,” Mina stood up and went out of the room to find Sana. “She’s here. Sana? Nayeon’s on the phone. She wants to talk to you.”

Sana wiped her hands and took the phone from Mina. She whispered a thank you before she put the phone against her ear, “What’s up?”

“They’re not involved!” Nayeon said.

Sana was confused, “What do you mean?”

“Her family. They’re not involved with your mom’s death. I looked into it. It took a while but I found out they’re clean. You can come back here now. They’ll probably protect you,” the enthusiasm in Nayeon’s voice annoyed Sana.

“I don’t want to. Besides, our engagement is over. We’re just friends now. I needed her help once and if she was involved, she could’ve killed there,” Sana was not having it. She didn’t want to leave the island.

“Sana, you can come back now.”

“I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave Jeongyeon here alone without a caretaker again,” Sana’s lips did not part when she said those words.

“Why?! Is it because of that patient?! Sana, are you suddenly having feelings for her?” those words hurt. Sana’s tears fell when she sighed because finally, she accepted the truth.

“Yes. Maybe I do have feelings for Jeongyeon. Am I not allowed to have feelings for someone who sees me as me? Not someone who sees me as Sana, the powerful daughter of the Minatozakis? I’m staying here,” she ends the call and walks out of the house.

She sat on the patio and continued to cry. It hurt to admit it out loud because she wanted to keep everything bottled up. But now that she accepted and admitted it? Her emotions were out of control. It was overwhelming to feel it freely. It was like she was being consumed by her emotions for Jeongyeon.

Jeongyeon sat beside her, “You’re crying again.” The girl placed an arm on her shoulder and pulled her closer, “Tell me why you're crying but your heart is racing as well. I’m confused and at the same time worried.”

“Jeongyeon,” she cried harder. “I-I have feelings for you and I’m sorry because I tried to stop them but I can’t. I cannot remember how I started having these feelings for you but I just do. I’m so sorry. Please don’t make me leave.”

Jeongyeon took a deep breath. “Sana,” she pulled the girl closer. “I don’t know if these can be considered feelings but I don’t want you to leave as well.”

~

When Mina left the island, the two were in the living room. They weren’t in the mood to eat so they just stared at each other. Every look Jeongyeon would give, Sana would blush.

“Stop it,” Sana hid her face behind her knees and chuckled.

Jeongyeon continued to look at her with a smile, “You look beautiful, Sana. How come you don’t have a lover?”

“It’s hard when everyone looks at me like I’m a prize,” she answered. When Jeongyeon tilted her head, she continued. “I’m Minatozaki Sana. My father owns practically every building in the city. He’s ruthless, cruel, and everything that has the same meaning as that. To cover up his evil doings, I use his money for charity. My face is the face of the biggest charity in the country. I named it after my mom who passed away. She was the love of my life. My mother was my world. She was the only light in my dark world. When she was killed, I named the charity after her. Then I met Nayeon. She became famous because I made her an ambassadress of my charity. I made sure that she became successful. She’s the only friend I have even if we often fight.”

Jeongyeon continued to listen, “Why don’t you have a lover then?”

“I had a fiancee. She’s the daughter of the largest shipping company in Asia. I ran away from home before our wedding. Anyway, I don’t have a girlfriend because I’m seen as the trophy lover of all people in the city. Everyone knows me. Everybody wants me. I’m sick of it,” Sana looked at Jeongyeon. “I met you. I came here because I needed to escape the toxic world of my family but now, I don’t want to leave.”

“Don’t leave then,” Jeongyeon reached out her hand, wanting Sana to hold it.

They held hands, “For so long, the darkness brought about by my father was consuming me and then you came. Now all I see is the light. How can you do that?”

Jeongyeon chuckled, “I merely listen to your heart and you automatically love me. What can I say? I’m hard to resist.”

They stood up to walk back to their own rooms. Jeongyeon didn’t want to let Sana go. After hearing her story, she wanted to make sure that Sana will have the most peaceful sleep she could ever have. Before Sana could enter her room, Jeongyeon stopped her.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to sleep beside me?” Jeongyeon looked away. “I mean, you often sound like you’re having nightmares and I keep worrying plus I like it when I can smell your scent. It kind of calms me and helps me sleep better. But if you don’t want to, I understand. Why did -.”

Sana held her face, “I’d love to. Come, let’s sleep.”

Jeongyeon was hugging Sana from the back while they were on her bed. She felt relaxed. The sound of the ocean plus Sana’s warmth made her heart feel at ease. She inhaled Sana’s scent and said, “I never feared death. I’m not scared of anything. But now, I’m scared of hurting you.”

~

It was four am when Jeongyeon woke up without Sana’s smell consuming her. She opened her eyes to look for the girl and found Sana sleeping beside her. She took a deep breath, wanting to have the same scent around her but she didn’t smell anything. Her heart started to race.

“Sana,” she tried to wake up the girl. “Sana, wake up please,” the panic was consuming her. She couldn’t smell anything.

Sana stirred awake and looked at her, “What’s wrong?”

“Sana, I can’t smell. Nothing,” Jeongyeon took Sana’s wrist and smelled it. “Not even this close. Sana!” she started crying. She was scared. No, Jeongyeon was terrified.

Sana didn’t know what to do so she took Mina’s hospital phone and dialled the number she knew could help her. “Hello?”

“I know it’s early. But please come to this island. Trace the phone’s location. As soon as possible. I need your help. Please,” Sana almost begged her ex-fiancee while she tried to calm a crying Jeongyeon.

With a bag containing almost every essential needed, Jeongyeon and Sana waited patiently. They saw the chopper landing, “I already informed Mina. She’ll be waiting at the hospital.:

Sana walked towards the door of the chopper. It opened and a girl wearing jeans and a black cropped top came out, “Sana, really? A deserted island? And you bothered me at four in the morning.”

Sana hugged the girl, “Thanks, Momo.”

Jeongyeon was standing three meters away from. Momo saw her. She started crying. Momo broke the hug and ran to where Jeongyeon was. Sana could hear Momo’s words so clearly that it felt like she had Jeongyeon’s sense of hearing.

Momo hugged Jeongyeon. With tears running down her face, she said, “I can’t believe a day would come when I can finally have you in my arms again, Sunshine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what u think~ @moonbyulasaur
> 
> Also, what are your theories


	7. the sun stings so i’d rather dream of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the sun will come but one will chose to dream.

**the sun stings so i’d rather dream of you**

**  
** ~   
_ whether we fall in  
_ _ or completely fall out  
_ __ you and I will  
_ always have a story  
_ __ \- r.s oceans

~

The hug caused her too much pain that she wanted to lose consciousness. But she couldn’t burden Sana into carrying her to the helicopter. What she did though is to push Momo away and look at her like she grew another head. Momo looked at her with pain in her eyes.

“Sunshine,” Momo tried to reach out again but Sana held Jeongyeon’s hand. She stopped and looked at their interlocked hands.

“Momo, we’re in a hurry,” Sana said. Jeongyeon took a deep breath and kept her eyes on Sana. Momo felt alienated. She wanted to scream that Jeongyeon was her fiancee. That Jeongyeon was hers but it’s been years so she stopped herself.

“I’m uneasy,” she heard Jeongyeon whisper to Sana. The girl nodded and looked at Momo.

“I’m sorry for calling you out of nowhere. But can we just go to the city hospital first? It’s kind of an emergency,” Sana asked with a soft tone. Momo couldn’t help but sigh before she stepped aside. “May I ask why you suddenly hugged Jeong?”

Momo hopped inside the chopper and made sure that everyone’s safety belts were secured. She wanted to hold Jeongyeon’s hand but when she looked, she saw that Sana and Jeongyeon’s hands were already interlocked. “You don’t remember me?” Momo whispered. It was loud enough to be heard by the three of them.

Jeongyeon knew that the mysterious girl was asking her, not Sana. She shook her head, “I don’t believe we’ve ever met, Miss.”

The simple sentence broke her heart. It was worse than when Sana suddenly disappeared. Well, Momo never got hurt by it anyway. “I’ll tell you when you’re okay,” Momo smiled. Even through all the emotions she was feeling, she still smiled.

On the other hand, Sana was busy looking at Momo’s bracelet. She noticed it way before they ever called off the wedding. She was too uncaring to even ask Momo what it meant but now that things are complicated, she wanted to ask. Although Sana knew better than to ruin the silence that was around them. Jeongyeon kept rubbing her thumb across the back of Sana’s hand. It brought her comfort but she knew that Jeongyeon was doing that because she was feeling sick due to the loud noise caused by the chopper.

“Just a little bit more,” Sana whispered. As soon as they landed, Mina was already waiting for them. Momo hopped out and helped Sana. She was about to help Jeongyeon but the girl reached out to Sana instead. It’s like Jeongyeon’s world solely exists for Sana.

“What happened?” Mina made sure that Jeongyeon was secure on the stretcher before facing Sana.

“She woke me up and told me she couldn’t smell anything. She started panicking. But it’s weird because before sleeping, she even told me that she liked the way I smell,” Sana explained. Momo felt another pang on her chest.

_ They slept beside each other. _

“I’ll need to run some tests again. You can stay here for the meantime,” Mina went inside, leaving Momo and Sana in an awkward silence.

“Coffee?” Sana pulled her to the cafeteria and bought two coffees. As they sat in front of each other, Sana broke the silence once again, “She doesn’t feel anything. No emotions. She’s apathetic.”

“What are you saying?” Momo took a sip of coffee and tried her best to avoid eye contact with her ex-fiancee. She knew that Sana was talking about Jeong. She knew it very well. But she couldn’t accept the fact that the Jeongyeon she met today was far too different from the Jeongyeon she loved and was about to marry.

Sana gave a tired smile, “You… you were supposed to marry Jeongyeon, right? She’s the reason why we never worked out in the first place.”

A tear dropped from Momo’s eye, “I’m sorry.”

“No need to say sorry. But I do have a lot of questions since she told me that everyone from Abyssal Island already died,” she replied. 

“You’re wondering how I survived? The day before our wedding, I went here in the city to get my gown. Jeongyeon didn’t come with me because she’d see my gown and that’s bad luck. On my way home, I met the Hirais. Their daughter just died and they want to adopt me. I declined because I told them that I will be getting married. Mom, Mrs. Hirai, wanted a little more time with me since I looked a lot like their daughter so they brought me to the boat. That was the last trip going to Abyssal that day. And then as I boarded, I was the lone passenger, a huge explosion happened. I wanted to go there. All I could think of was my family and Jeongyeon,” Momo started crying. Sana was hurting as well. She could imagine how Momo felt that day. And only to meet Jeongyeon who doesn’t remember her.

“I’m sorry,” Sana reached out and held Momo’s hand. “I’m sorry that you’re hurting. But Momo,” she took a deep breath and continued, “I love her now too. Well, at least I think I do.”

Momo shook her head, “I know. You know, it really hurts to see Jeongyeon hold someone else’s hand but it’ll hurt me more to see her alone. If she doesn’t love me anymore, I’ll be okay with it. Although it will hurt as hell.”

It was almost too painful to bear. Momo wanted to freeze time so she could stop feeling as well. But it was impossible. What matters now is that Jeongyeon’s alive and she’s having troubles with herself. It doesn’t matter if she can’t have her. But as long as Jeongyeon is okay then Momo will be okay as well.

When Mina returned, Jeongyeon was following behind her. As soon as the girl saw Sana, her face lit up. She walked towards Sana and sat beside her, “Stay with me.”

The throbbing pain returned. Momo faked a smile and looked up to Mina, “We’re waiting for the results. For now, let’s relax. Come to the VIP area. It’ll be quiet there compared to here.” The doctor led them to the VIP area and offered the couch.

Jeongyeon looked at Momo, “Can you tell me why you hugged me earlier?”

“Jeong, are you sure you can handle this?” Sana placed a hand on Jeongyeon’s leg, worried that something might trigger the girl and cause her pain.

“Mina’s here,” Jeongyeon smiled at Sana. “You’re here. I’ll be fine.”

Momo took a deep breath because she knew that once Jeongyeon was set on something, she wouldn’t stop until she got it. She removed her bracelet and gave it to Jeong, “It’s yours. You gave it to me before you proposed. I think you could call me your ex. I mean, I’m sure you don’t want to be in a relationship with me now, right?” she looked at the interlocked fingers. Jeongyeon cleared her throat and urged her to proceed. “Sana will tell you how I survived but the ring you have on your neck. That was my engagement ring. You gave it to me. I told you to keep it safe when I went to the city to get my gown. But I never got it back,” Sana looked away and just listened. In her mind, a thousand scenarios happened. She started questioning what if the explosion never happened. Would that mean that Jeongyeon and her wouldn’t meet. She’d be stuck alone. She wouldn’t know how it feels to genuinely want nothing but the best for someone else.

Momo continued telling Jeongyeon and the rest their story.

~

_ The final three hours at the restaurant are always the hardest. Last minute orders are a pain in the ass. It was exactly what was happening because right before the last two hours a woman came in and ordered almost everything on the menu. _

_ “Excuse me, madam, I don’t mean to offend but are you sure that you want to order everything? It’s eight in the evening,” the waitress asked. Jeongyeon was busy tallying the inventory when the master host approached her about the situation. _

_ “Yes. I apologize if it’s a little late. My caterer backed out and I need food for tomorrow morning’s event. I’m planning to freeze everything and reheat them tomorrow,” the girl sounded like she was about to break down. _

_ Jeongyeon approached them and said, “No need to wait for tonight. Where is the venue? We will cater it for you.” _

_ “Boss,” the head chef was about to complain but Jeongyeon’s decision was fixed. _

_ “It’s at the next block. How much will it cost?” Momo stood up and bowed. “I will give you the money you want.” _

_ “No need for such. Just the amount you were going to pay for your former caterer. We will be there by three am to cook. You may leave your contact number so we can contact you tomorrow,” before Momo could say anything, Jeongyeon turned around and went to the door. She turned off the sign, signaling that the restaurant was closed already. _

_ True to her words, Jeongyeon and the rest of the crew were at the venue at three am. They served the best tasting food Momo ever tasted. She went to Jeongyeon and greeted, “Hi! I haven’t introduced myself but I’m Momo. Hirai Momo. I’m an event organizer. The food is amazing!” _

_ Jeongyeon nodded, “Thanks. Yoo Jeongyeon. I’d shake your hand but I’m still cooking.” a small woman went to Jeong and asked for another serving, “Chaeyoung, make sure nothing spills.” _

_ “No problem, big sis,” the small woman left and served the food she asked. _

_ “Don’t you have guests to assist, Miss Organizer?” Jeongyeon wiped her hands and faced Momo. _

_ The event organizer’s breath hitched. Jeongyeon was mesmerizing. She had short hair and expressive eyes. Momo wanted to keep staring at it. “I..” _

_ A smirk appeared on Jeongyeon’s lips, “Cat got your tongue?” _

_ Momo blushed and walked away. Since that day, Momo has been returning to the restaurant to eat (but actually see Jeongyeon). When Jeongyeon asked her for coffee, she agreed. Under the stars of the Abyssal Island, Momo confessed her feelings. At first, it was a crush but then Jeongyeon continued to show her a different side which made Momo fall in love. Jeongyeon was aloof with other people but she laughs a lot when she’s around Momo. _

_ When Jeongyeon proposed, Momo cried in happiness. Jeongyeon’s family, including her little sister, Chaeyoung, all loved Momo so much and wanted her to be part of their family. _

_ “I love you so much, sunshine,” Jeongyeon whispered as they swayed into the non existent music. Momo was busy listening to her fiancee’s heartbeat. _

_ She hugged the girl as tight as she could, “I love you as much, sunshine.” _

~

When Momo kept quiet, Sana looked at Jeongyeon. She saw how Jeongyeon’s eyes mirrored the same pain that Momo had earlier. She knew that even though Jeongyeon couldn’t feel anything, deep inside, she was relieving the love she shared with Momo. they had the right love at the right time but the world was unfair. Sana felt as if she was interfering with something when she saw how Momo and Jeongyeon looked at each other.

“You see, you were aloof even then,” Momo chuckled. “But you still loved it when I talked to you whenever you read. You’re still into reading now, I assume?”

Jeongyeon chuckled, something Sana didn’t expect, “Yes. Do you know my favorites? I want to reread them if possible.”

“Sure!” Momo took a pen and paper from her bag and wrote down all of Jeongyeon’s favorites. Those favorites that Sana wished she knew but she couldn’t because Jeongyeon doesn’t know them herself. It’s like she was suddenly brought to the past and saw how perfect Jeongyeon and Momo were for each other.

“Excuse me,” Sana stood up but Jeongyeon held her hand.

“Where are you going?” her voice was soft. As if pleading.

Sana cupped Jeongyeon’s face, “I want to pee.” that sentence was enough for Jeongyeon to let go and look at Momo again.

The faint voices soon disappeared. Sana dropped her head and leaned on the sink. She wanted to cry because she wished she knew the things Momo knew but it was unfair for her to demand something Jeongyeon didn’t know as well.

“You love her now?” Mina’s voice startled her. She turned around and saw the doctor leaning on the wall with her arms crossed, “It’s fine. I won’t tell Jeongyeon.”

“She can hear you, you know,” Sana chuckled bitterly.

“Nope. She’s too engrossed with Momo’s stories that she isn’t paying attention to her surroundings,” the doctor sighed. “The results came and shewed that nothing is wrong with her. But I have a theory.”

“And that is?” Sana crossed her arms and waited for Mina to tell her.

~

Momo brought them back to the island using the same chopper they used earlier. When they got to the island, Momo held Jeongyeon’s hand. Surprisingly, Jeongyeon didn’t flinch, “Will it be too much to ask for a hug? I just really missed you and I’m so glad you’re alive.”

Jeongyeon stared at her but then pulled Momo for a hug, “Thank you for being honest.”

Sana looked away. She wanted to leave. She wanted to scream. Then she realized that she wasn’t breathing until Momo pulled away from Jeong. “Thank you. If you need anything, tell me. I will do everything I can to help you, sunshine.”

“You can’t call me sunshine anymore, Momo,” Jeongyeon said. “We’re not together. I shouldn’t be your sun anymore.”

Momo nodded, “Right.” She looked at Sana who was looking at somewhere else. “You take care.”

When Momo left, Sana and Jeongyeon sat quietly at the dining hall while eating. Jeongyeon noticed that Sana had been avoiding her gaze. After eating, Sana quickly cleaned up and started washing the dishes. To her surprise, Jeongyeon stood behind her and placed her hands on both sides, trapping Sana in front of her.

“You’re avoiding me,” Jeongyeon said with a soft voice. She rested her forehead on Sana’s shoulder, “Please don’t avoid me.”

Sana froze and dropped the sponge, “J-Jeong, I mean, I’m not.”

“You’re distant. You haven’t smiled since we left the hospital. You’re not looking at me,” Jeongyeon wrapped her arms around Sana’s waist, back hugging her. “Are you jealous of Momo?”

Sana sighed in defeat, “Jeong, she’s your fiancee.”

“Ex. She was, I guess, my lover. But, Sana,” a sigh escaped Jeongyeon’s lips. Her breath went straight to Sana’s neck, making her shiver. “Aren’t we a thing?”

She turned around to meet Jeongyeon’s eyes. “Jeongyeon, you know the feelings I have?”

Jeongyeon nodded and hugged her tighter, making their faces go closer, “What about it?”

Sana looked at Jeongyeon’s orbs and then said, “I think I know it. Jeongyeon, I think it’s love.”


End file.
